Q for the guys that are in a relationship of some sort.

[Leung]

1. Do you guys feel that when a woman tells you one thing, she means the complete opposite? A yes or no and your opinion will do.
   
2. Has your significant other ever challenged your manhood?
   
3. For the guys with kids.
   Are you allowed to be frustrated or angry about things in your relationship?
   
4. When you do get frustrated or angry, did the situation really warrant it?
   
5. Do you two compromise over issues that affect the relationship?
   
   

I'm just asking because i want to get to know how other men think when they are in a relationship. Also for the women of the board, i'd love to hear your opinion also so don't feel because i worded it "guys" that only the men are allowed to answer.

Just to point it out though, i haven't been in one in a seriously long time nor do i have the intention of starting one again any time soon.

[Bullhorn7]

1. Yes, women.. or at least all the ones I have experience with will do this to get you to do something. Like sarcastically guilt tripping.

2. Yes. and sometimes I give in and others I stand my ground... With a woman 90% of the time if shes not happy your not happy so I like to keep a balance but still let her know im in charge.

3. Well I dont have kids so dont take it as fact but with any relationship you should be able to voice your concerns regardless of the situation.

4. Most of the time, Yes. To her? Never.

5. Yes, All the time. Its part of the whole thing man.

[GeoffM]

1. No. At least, rarely.

2. No. If she has it was in a sarcastic, joking manner.

3. No kids.

4. I rarely allow myself to get angry. I think that if I do I'll start cutting out the
things that make me angry. I'm also very planning and devious, so I can usually
avoid arguments.

5. Eh. Yes and no. It really depends on the issue. I'd say for the most part yes.

[9_2_C_B_7]

1. No, not really. Well atleast not mine.
2. Yes. You have to bend a little. Compromising is number one in a relationship.
3. No kids.
4. I try not to get angry. I'm a lover not a fighter.
5. Yes. Compromise is key(believe me, I'm in pre marital councilling* right now before I get married) both sides have to compromise.

[buzz11]

I'd have to agree with 9 2 c b 7. COMPROMISE AND TRUST are KEY!

[toycar]

1.) Yes, for years now I have felt this way. Also, in addition to comments that really mean the opposite of what she is saying, she also likes to bait me into conversations that she has already thought about. She sort of "leads" me into whatever she wants to talk about rather than just coming out and saying whatever is on her mind. Occasionally that is-I dont want to come across like shes a douche canoe, because she really is awesome and I would never openly complain about my wife as a means to resolve anything. I am being honest in my replies.


2.) No, I'm a pretty manly man. Rugged, roughneck, hill billy, redneck, asshole. I proudly accept all of those titles. Most people would look at me and think twice about challenging my manliness. My wife is not in fear of me so dont take me wrong. She loves me for being a REAL man. The buck stops with me. There is NOTHING that comes up that I cannot or will not deal with. I dont cry about shit, Im not a whiner, I dont generally complain about anything.
One day we were at the park, my son dropped his sucker in the mud and freaked out. What did I do, I sucked the mud off of the sucker, spit it out and gave it back to him. Problem solved.

Im like Chuck Norris manly and women love it-especially my wife.


3.) Part of being manly, is being pissed off about stuff sometimes. Being frustrated in your relationship is normal on occasion. I dont think anyone should view this as abnormal. People that dont fight or get frustrated with each other are not being honest. Nobody is perfect, everyone disagrees sometimes. I kind of get the impression your talking about being frustrated with her, in lieu of the kids. In those scenarios, its like playing with fire. You never really know whats going to happen. Having a difference of opinion with my wife, about the kids usually equates to me saying "yes mam" and that being the end of it. My wife is the boss. Its easier that way.

If your talking about sexual frustrations, because of the kids and the lack of privacy-I work around that too. Middle of the night, quicky in the bathroom, sneak into the shower- whatever. I beat it up whenever I can. It does take effort to find time when you have kids. MAKE THAT EFFORT.

4.) Yeah, I feel like 90-95% of the time it was warranted. Having kids alone will make some people crazy. Im assuming you are more talking about getting angry with her though right? It happens. Living life together equates to situations fucking with you. Sometimes its your fault, sometimes its hers. You are not going to agree on everything. Getting angry is natural and we(my wife and I) think it should be an accepted feeling. Understanding each other helps avoid future problems. Acting like they dont exist in the first place just plants land mines for later on.



5.) Of course man. She hates that I have so many cars and so much car shit going on. I hate that she likes to buy designer purses and expensive shoes.

She has a Chanel purse and a Gucci clutch that together cost like 6k. WTF, why does anyone need a purse that costs so much money?

Whatever.

You only live life once right? Guess what, I have a giant garage with just about anything I could ever want, and she has a walk in closet with about 60 pairs of shoes and more purses, handbags and clutches than I can count. Its not a negotiation. Its life.

Make your partner happy, and be happy about that. If she really cares about you, and you really care for her, giving each other what the other wants should be rewarding even if it does strike a nerve. Thats how it works in my house.

[gloryaccordy]

1. Do you guys feel that when a woman tells you one thing, she means the complete opposite? A yes or no and your opinion will do.
   
2. Has your significant other ever challenged your manhood?
   
3. For the guys with kids.
   Are you allowed to be frustrated or angry about things in your relationship?
   
4. When you do get frustrated or angry, did the situation really warrant it?
   
5. Do you two compromise over issues that affect the relationship?
   
   

I'm just asking because i want to get to know how other men think when they are in a relationship. Also for the women of the board, i'd love to hear your opinion also so don't feel because i worded it "guys" that only the men are allowed to answer.

Just to point it out though, i haven't been in one in a seriously long time nor do i have the intention of starting one again any time soon.

1. Not my wife, most of the time.

2. No, and I don't get why this is an issue for so many dudes.

3. No kids yet. Scared to see how they will change the relationship dynamic.

4. I would say, generally, yes. I don't get angry often, and when I do I am always able to explain why very clearly.

5. I am not sure what this means. Every relationship requires individual sacrifice/compromise to work.

I think a lot of guys create their own grief. Guys say women like bad boys and are scared to be alone, but I see a lot of the same shit with guys. If you have to "put a woman in her place" or she constantly tries to embarrass/ marginalize you in the presence of others, why would you stay with her?

Another problem is a lot of guys bail for the wrong reasons. Obviously if you dont want to be with someone, don't be with them. But then don't use something stupid as an excuse. Just be honest. Guys will break up with a chick because they dont want to spend money on her on Valentine's Day, and then get back with her after. Why? Its obvious you dont care about or want to be with her at all, but dont have the vaginal catalog or emotional fortitude to not fake a relationship. Etc.

I'm rambling. I guess my point is, if you want to be happy in a relationship, be honest w/yourself and whoever you're with about what you want and how you feel about how things are going. Don't play games, don't date people you don't want to be with, don't waste time. Life is too short to waste on people you don't actually like.

[LastToBrake]

1. Yes and no. It really depends on the woman and her up bringing.
2. It depends on how you define "challenge your manhood."
3. I guess I don't understand how this pertains only to guys with kids. I think that there will always be times that you are going to be frustrated or angry with things in your relationship. Those moments are what will either strengthen or weaken your relationship depending on how you handle them. You can either fix it, or let it destroy.
4. You should never question your "warrant" to be frustrated. That's step 1 in putting it away and letting it eat at you.
5. Relationship = Compromise...plain and simple. Once you enter a relationship you have to drop a certain degree of individualism.

[deevergote]

1 Passive-aggressive tendencies are often a sign of insecurity. Any man or woman that displays such behavior is often not comfortable with themselves, their relationship, or both. Or it could be a maturity issue as well (and not always an age-related one... emotional maturity doesn't necessarily occur at adult age. Sometimes it never does.)

2 This is another behavior displaying severe insecurity. Any challenge put forth in an nonconstructive manner is only meant to do harm. Usually, this is an effort for the aggressor to bring their partner down to what they view as their level. They are acknowledging that they feel their partner is superior, and attempting to break them down. This is extremely unhealthy behavior.

3, 4, and 5 are really too vague and situation-dependent to really give any sort of clear general answer. Things like this would have to be assessed on a case-by-case basis. However, if a person's partner doesn't allow them to get reasonably upset over a legitimate issue, and uses the kids as the reason why they should not... this is more passive-aggressive behavior. They are controlling their partner and forcing them into submission by manipulating them through their feelings of responsibility to their children.

6 Compromise is indeed a part of any relationship, as it should be. However, compromise works both ways, and comes in different forms. Unhealthy compromise is when one or both people in a relationship abandon everything that they felt defined themselves in their single life. Healthy compromise is finding a way to fit those things into a lifestyle that still makes the relationship and family the primary focus.

[toycar]

6 Compromise is indeed a part of any relationship, as it should be. However, compromise works both ways, and comes in different forms. Unhealthy compromise is when one or both people in a relationship abandon everything that they felt defined themselves in their single life. Healthy compromise is finding a way to fit those things into a lifestyle that still makes the relationship and family the primary focus.

I agree to an extent.

Compromise and understanding each other are different if you ask me.

Compromise on approaching a situation like chores, or dealing with the kids, yeah we meet in the middle.

Compromise on stuff that genuinely makes me/her happy, just because it does not make me/her happy-no fucking way. No compromise for us there.


NONE.

Not without a very valid reason and even then, if I change its not that I change how I feel, I do it to make her happy. I have an invested interest in making sure she is happy. Shes my wife. If the topic comes up, Im not just all the sudden going to change my opinion or express myself differently. I may even remind her how much I loved doing whatever it was, and that I only stopped because she asked me to-not because I wanted to.


As I mentioned I believe its not a negotiation, rather co-existing with keeping each other happy in mind. You only live once.

Im not interested in the same shit as my wife, but I am passionate about making sure she gets everything her heart desires.

Even if I hate it and I have to personally grow to deal with it. I was pissed about her fancy candy red front loading washer and dryer($2600). She still got them. I was even more pissed off when she told me the stands for the machines to sit on were another $516 bux(258/each). WTF?!

So what. Im not sure thats a compromise. I express my feelings, I just move on. I will never approve of her Chanel purse. NEVER.

Why should I? I dont agree. I do think we could have bought a cheaper washer and dryer, so what? They sell purses at Wal-Mart for like $20.

That doesnt mean she cannot have what she wants, I just refuse to condone it and act like I think it was a good idea.


Is that a compromise? I don't really think so. I never concede my position, I just dont go to war over it either. Theres no sense in being so emotionally invested in something, that really doesn't matter in the first place.


I dont even do the laundry..... Why does my opinion matter when choosing a new machine comes up?

She doesnt race cars, so why does her opinion matter that I needed a new cage for my car to be legal at the track.

Seriously?

I dont really think compromise is the answer, I think being willing to allow your partner to be happy is. Understanding your partner and what makes them happy, is in part how you learn to tolerate some things, and fight about others. If you find yourself fighting about 2% milk vs whole milk, or what kind of lunch meat to buy this time-your marriage is going to fail.


Shit really isnt that serious and there is nothing wrong with feeling different from someone else.

It is ok to disagree, and that should not warrant an arguement or a fight.


Sorry for the long post and going off topic!!!

[deevergote]

When it comes to the spending of mutual funds, compromise is indeed a big part of it. From the sounds of it, you compromise in both directions (healthy), and you don't compromise what you want (either of you). She may not approve of the cars, you may not approve of her purse... but you allow it. You compromise. I'm guessing that even though there is a lack of approval, you don't hold it over each others' heads all the time, correct? As you said, you let your feelings be known, and you move on. That is healthy. Very healthy, in fact.

Had you both compromised to the point where she bought wal-mart purses and you stopped racing cars... you'd be sacrificing things that are important to yourselves to the point of lessening the quality of life. Not only your own, but your shared life together. If you can't do the things that make yourself happy, you're never going to make your spouse happy!

Of course, you have to compromise to some extent. You can't say that you can't afford a new washer because you need a new cage in your car. When priorities come into play, you have to think rationally.

[toycar]

When it comes to the spending of mutual funds, compromise is indeed a big part of it. From the sounds of it, you compromise in both directions (healthy), and you don't compromise what you want (either of you). She may not approve of the cars, you may not approve of her purse... but you allow it. You compromise. I'm guessing that even though there is a lack of approval, you don't hold it over each others' heads all the time, correct? As you said, you let your feelings be known, and you move on. That is healthy. Very healthy, in fact.

Had you both compromised to the point where she bought wal-mart purses and you stopped racing cars... you'd be sacrificing things that are important to yourselves to the point of lessening the quality of life. Not only your own, but your shared life together. If you can't do the things that make yourself happy, you're never going to make your spouse happy!

Of course, you have to compromise to some extent. You can't say that you can't afford a new washer because you need a new cage in your car. When priorities come into play, you have to think rationally.

Odd, I now see that we do compromise a lot even though it doesnt feel that way.




Thanks man!!

[Leung]

Thank you everyone for your answers.

I may share these with my older brother who seems to be having marital issues right now. These five questions are basically issues that my brother is currently facing right now and will probably help him out a little to understand his wife in why she's doing the things she is.

[deevergote]

Compromise isn't necessarily sacrifice. People often mistake the two... and I've seen MANY relationships fail because of it. You sacrifice all that you are and all that you love in an effort to compromise, and the result is two people that are nothing like the people they were initially attracted to.

Leung, to be honest... from what you said (and I assumed it was your brother's situation from previous posts of yours), the BEST thing he and his wife could do is go to a good marriage counselor. It sounds like they have some issues to work out. It's not a matter of right and wrong at this point, but one of understanding... of themselves and of their relationship. A good counselor will help guide them in this.

[Leung]

Compromise isn't necessarily sacrifice. People often mistake the two... and I've seen MANY relationships fail because of it. You sacrifice all that you are and all that you love in an effort to compromise, and the result is two people that are nothing like the people they were initially attracted to.

Leung, to be honest... from what you said (and I assumed it was your brother's situation from previous posts of yours), the BEST thing he and his wife could do is go to a good marriage counselor. It sounds like they have some issues to work out. It's not a matter of right and wrong at this point, but one of understanding... of themselves and of their relationship. A good counselor will help guide them in this.

oh yeah i told him to go back to a marriage counselor as i'm not really qualified in anyway to offer any relationship advice.