rehab.

[Turbo Dave]

So, you all probably know I was going to end up there. Well, I did. But I chose too, I finally got better. I'm still recovering, I really screwed up man. I have been going to a physiatrist and stuff because of all the injurys i've had
(fractured jaw in several places, being held hostage etc), they had to give me physical psychiatry in where they had to get my muscles to operate they way they should so I wouldn't be in pain all the time. I pretty much just got beat up so much and then got a drug problem and I was in bad shape .

I realize now how much I screwed up. Since the last time I got arrested, my life has changed so much, I finally realized I needed to grow up, and I had to take control of my life. Everything is different, driving fast on the street isn't fun anymore, its just dangerous and I don't really get off on it like I used to. Im not the same person by far.

I'm happy to say i have gotten much better. Im still a long way away from being a person, but at least im on the right path. I have alot of issues still, one is living with my parents.

Most of u know they make me extremely angry, one because they are drunks, and two because I cant argue with them well because my parents both have IQ's of 98 and mine is almost twice that. Its just really horrible when my drunk dumb father starts verbally abusing me, In fact, I pretty much cannot be in the same room with my father because within one minute of him opening his mouth to me, he has said 10 negative things about me, about things ive done years ago, about using the scrub brush to scrub the cooking pan when Im supposed to use the sponge because the scrubber brush is not used for that. "so put the scrub brush back where it goes and use the sponge" no thanks dad ill use the scrub brush.

then he yells at me "thats not what it is used for! didnt I just tell you that your supposed to use the sponge?!?"

then I say to my dad "oh no im breaking the rules, Im using the scrub brush instead of the sponge!" then my dad cusses at me and calls me some name and stomps off.

Pretty much, now that I finally get my life back together and got clean, My father has to find something to yell at me about, because I am doing so well and being so responsible, they still have to scold me like im still a drug addict, except its for sponges and brushes..

I got so mad today, and with me weighing more than I ever have from working out and stuff, I got so mad (I never get mad either btw) that I punched a door so hard I knocked it off its hinges and put a hole straight through it. my arm is a bit bloody now.

Man I had this whole zen thing going, literally, Was doing perfect, and now everythings been fucked up, the good feelings I've been having after months of agony, have all gone away, and now I feel like I did 2 months ago, down and out.

Its like I spend all this time building myself up and then my parents can take it all away with a few good sentences. My father I think has aspergers syndrome, he doesnt know how to communicate, or he cannot recognize the fact that he will say things to me like "the scrub brush" and it will completely ruin my day.

anyways, IM sorry I just HAD to vent that out, it was damaging my zen.

its going to take several days now, for me to get back where I was mentally. Everyday for me is a battle. If this crazy shit hadnt happened, I would probably be that much closer to returning to my life in full swing.

but now I have to wait alot more to get back into things, because its just how it is. So yeah. I'll be back around soon enough. Got to keep my head up

[KB7]

stay positive. on a upward note, you should realize how strong a person you must be to endure living with such negative people in such a troubling time. you are clearly a MUCH stronger person than you certainly give yourself credit for. just keep telling yourself that you are a strong person and you will pull through

[Turbo Dave]

stay positive. on a upward note, you should realize how strong a person you must be to endure living with such negative people in such a troubling time. you are clearly a MUCH stronger person than you certainly give yourself credit for. just keep telling yourself that you are a strong person and you will pull through

woah, positive reinforcement. My parents have never shown me any my entire life. Its strange hearing someone tell me something good about myself. thank you.

[GeoffM]

So, you all probably know I was going to end up there. Well, I did. But I chose too, I finally got better. I'm still recovering, I really screwed up man. I have been going to a physiatrist and stuff because of all the injurys i've had, they had to give me physical psychiatry in where they had to get my muscles to operate they way they should so I wouldn't be in pain all the time. I pretty much just got beat up so much and then got a drug problem and I was in bad shape .

What muscles were malfunctioning? And how?


Also, just be an asshole to your dad. I'm sure you have a few tactics but here are some of mine.
Mimic everything he says in a stupid voice. And I mean everything.
Respond to questions with statements like "O REALLY?!?!" and "YOu think so?"

Eventually he'll leave you alone.

[Turbo Dave]

What muscles were malfunctioning? And how?


Also, just be an asshole to your dad. I'm sure you have a few tactics but here are some of mine.
Mimic everything he says in a stupid voice. And I mean everything.
Respond to questions with statements like "O REALLY?!?!" and "YOu think so?"

Eventually he'll leave you alone.

haha thanks for the advice, I had like 3 surgerys on my jaw and stuff and all the shit thats happened to me i screwed up my neck and jaw and back from car crashes and surgerys and beatings etc...

[lordoja]

don't worry about it, i know its easier said than done. but like kb7 said, it takes some huge balls of steel to do what you are doing, most people end up in rehab after a court order, you had what it took to walk in there and get rid of your problem. as far as your dad goes, given from what you have said you dont really opt for violence, but if trying to tell him what you feel like isn't helping... then do to him what he is doing to you, and hopefully he will see what he is doing.

best of luck to you!

[sombra13]

Wat kb7 said is correct man u are a stronger person than u think. Cmon think about it u have all this and yet u still get up in the morning and to want to strive for a better you , man if anything u still fine every one gets mad once in a while . Look man not to step on anyones toes or offend any one , but dont do wat geoff said thats only only gonna make things worse and u dont want that , plus if anything u want a good relationship wit ur pops juss ingnore and let it go . If he tells u use the sponge use the sponge , if it gets him off ur back do it.

Look im not speaking at random cuz i can relate on the whole father being an ass my dads the same and once we stop talking for 5 years and living in the same house . Sucked cuz i was only 15 i had no one for advice or to look up too , but hey man i kept my head up prayed (idk if ur religious) and after those five yeears he realized that i was trying to better my self and apologized wich was big for me cuz im the first and only person hes said srry to or admitted he was wrong. But yea man no worries man stay up and ull be fine on top of that ill pray for u man and juss wait man ull see ull be fine .

Good luck man and God Bless !
- ur buddy buno

[deevergote]

Good luck, Dave. I know you've had a hell of a rough go of things over the past few years...

If it means anything, this is BY FAR the most sense you have made in a very long time. The last few times you came on here saying you're getting clean, etc... I didn't believe it. I truly hope it's for real this time.

[Turbo Dave]

I thought after all the things that happened last night I would wake up this morning and would be ten steps backwards mentally in my recovery, however, I feel like i lost a day or two max, as if yesterday just didnt count and im just back where i was 2 days ago (with a scratched up arm lol).

On a serious note, Since I recently ruined my life, I cut my friends out of it, and then the ones I did have I had to cut them loose because I cannot associate with people that are doing drugs.

So that leaves me with: Oh... no one.

Im not the kind of person that can go into a AA meeting and share my story, im just, not that person, and for me I was lucky enough to be in outpatient rehab so I only had to talk to a dr and a counselour a few times.

Im sure this doesnt suprise most people but I can keep myself entertained for a very long time, so I haven't actually talked to anyone besides my parents and dr's, in 2 months. I dont mind being alone, I find that people in NA and AA groups, use other people as there "vice". They are always around someone, because they need the energy of another person to fill the whole they have.

I find that entire ideology to only be a bandage and not a permanent fix. Everyone who has a drug problem is not only lying to themselves, they are hiding from themselves. Even when you become honest with yourself, the addiction is still there, and that is the hardest part. I find people that recover in groups with support, tend to fix the actual addiction, rather than focus their thoughts introspectively, and becoming more self aware.

But can you really blame most people for not wanting to get to know themselves to quit there horrible drug addiction? usually when your that bad off, you hate yourself, So I do understand why people dont want to dive straight into the all the reasons why they are an addict, but instead fix the addiction and gain confidence and over a long time possibly become more self aware.

I say all this because I have isolated myself from everything, and I've been reading Nietzsche, and I have literlly talked to myself for the past 2 months, gaining self-esteem, and confidence. I feel like when these emotions come from ones self, on the insde, rather than through group support, they are much much more powerful.

However, all this talking to myself, is kind of driving me crazy, so it has been really nice to come back to this board, a new man, and still have people support me.

plus i was getting really bored watching reruns of "Firefly"

[Daheavyking]

Keep your head up man. Keep hope alive. Trails are part of life and only the truely strong come out of them. So bro, see you on the other side.

[Raceboy]

Hang in there man, I can tell you from personal experiance that even if you think your life useless and you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, life CAN and will get better but it takes time and commitment.

I did a 6 month outpatient substance abuse program and I just finished a 9 month DUI program after my fiancee killed herself by shooting herself in the head, I saw that shit and it messed me up BAD turning to alcohol and pills to numb the pain. I really didn't see myself living too much longer or being able to stop drinking or popin pills but slowly over time I changed my enviroment and daily habits and way of thinking and started to feel better. It took me just about 3 years to recover but now I live a normal life, got married and I'm thriving again. So just keep your head up man, anything is possible if you stick with it.

[PR CB7]

turbo dave ladies and gentlemen
you go bro, hope you get better

[Law Grandeur]

im assuming you still live in CFLA. if you do just hit me up any time and ill help you.

[baracuda]

Another one of "these" threads

fully expect another attention whoring thread from you to pop in the next few months say you have "kicked you habit for good" blah blah blah blah.

Thing about the internet is there are too many attention whores making up bullshit stories to get attention from everyone, These fucking poor pitiful me stories are weak as hell.

[Ralphie]

Another one of "these" threads

fully expect another attention whoring thread from you to pop in the next few months say you have "kicked you habit for good" blah blah blah blah.

Thing about the internet is there are too many attention whores making up bullshit stories to get attention from everyone, These fucking poor pitiful me stories are weak as hell.

I have to say, he has a point.

However, and i really hope im right, but you do sound different as Mike has said.

So different, that i want to offer advice, instead of calling you out.

I agree with pretty much everything you wrote, except for the stuff about group therapy/AA.

The reason why that stuff works is not because it is a quick fix or a bandaid but because you are able to connect with other people in different levels who have experienced the same or similar things.

THAT is the only thing missing from your life right now.

So if i could offer up any advice it would be two things.

1. Move the fuck out of that fucking house. The one thing that has remained constant in your threads, is that your house is a living hell(no offense).

I know that it might not be easy but you have to for your own sake.

2. Get friends. Get out. Explore the world. I understand you are still recovering so it might be a little while before you can do this, but there are plenty of safe ways to do it.

Join clubs.

Sign up for school(this would be great because im sure you could get loans and i know your a smart kid and you could dorm it so youd be out of your house)

etc etc.

There are endless possibilities for you to safely make GOOD honest friends who don't do drugs and will keep you on the straight and narrow.

Remember its all up to you and only you can keep shit in perspective.

Good luck, Dave!