A sandwich walks into a bar and orders a bowl of soup. Bartender says "I’m sorry, but we don’t serve food here."
A blind man and his guide dog walk into a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke ?"
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, you should know something.The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I’m a 6’ tall, 200 lb.blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she’s a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she’s a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times."
A dislexic man walks into a bra
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign above the bar that reads..
ham sandwich’s $2
chicken sandwich’s $3
hand jobs $4
so the man walks up to the hot woman with big tits behind the bar and ask’s excuse me are you the one who does the hand jobs?
she smiles at him and sais yes
the man then replies can you wash your hands i would like a ham sandwich
A man walks into a bar and orders 7 double vodkas. The bartender asks wow whats with all the drinks. The man says I just found out my older brother is ***. The bartender says thats a good reason for the drinks. The next day the same man walks in and orders the same thing. Bartender asked again what happened today. The man replies i just found out my younger brother is ***. And the bartender said yet another good reason. The next day the same man walks in and orders the same thing. The bartender said Geez doesnt anyone in your family like women? The man looks at him and says Yeah my wife...
a man walkes into a bar and says "bartender, give me six shots of whiskey" the bar tender looks at him and says, "six whiskeys? what are we celebrating?" the man says " i just got my first blow job" the bartender smiles thinking about his first blow job and says"well congratulations have a beer on the house" the man turns and says "no way man , if the whiskey can’t get this taste out of my mouth, nothing will!!!"
A guy goes into a bar and orders three Margaritas. The Bartender says "Whats wrong?" The guy says "I just cought my wife sleeping with my best friend." The bartender says "What did you do about it?" The guy says " I told my wife to pack her things and get out." "That sounds resonable." says the bartender. The bartender then asks "What did you do about your best friend?" The guy says " I looked at him straight in the eye and said bad dog"
A guy walks into a bar.. he asks the bartender for an empty glass. He then walks to the far side of the bar and places the empty glass there. Then he walks back to where the bartender is standing. He says, "I bet u 500 $ that i can piss from here all the way into that empty glass without dropping." The bartender laffs and says," YOUR ON"! The guy pisses all over the bar, on the bartender.. EVERYWHERE. He completely misses the glass. the bartender laffs his ass off and says, "hand over the 500$". The guy then walks to a man sitting at one of the tables and takes 1000$ from him and then goes back to the bartender and gives him the 500$. the bartenders asks, "whered u get the money?" The guy says, "i bet that guy over there that i can piss all over ur bar and you and make u laff ur ass off for 1000$"
There once was a couple of newlyweds named John and Wendy. John told his wife Wendy that he wanted a tattoo! Wendy agreed and said that would be ok. John did not know what the tattoo should say or where he would put it. So Wendy said, "Well, if you REALLY loved me, you would get my name tattooed on your pecker."
John couldn't back out on that one, so he went to the tattoo parlor. The tattoo artist told him that he needed to have an erection while he put it on. After an hour of excruciating pain, the tattoo was done.
As John was on his way home from the tattoo parlor he saw a rest stop and decided he needed to stop and take a leak. He went to the restroom and looked down to admire his tattoo and he noticed, that when he was not erect, the only letters that were visible, were the W and the Y.
Suddenly, a big black gentleman steps into the urinal beside John and John accidentally looked down at the guy and could not help but notice that he ALSO had the letters W and Y tattooed.
So John said "Hey, I guess you have a girlfriend or wife named Wendy too."
The guys looked confused and said, "What makes you think that?"
John replied "Well I noticed the W and the Y tattoo -- so you don't have a girlfriend named Wendy?"
The black guys laughed and responded, "No mon, that tattoo says, "Welcome to Jamaica! Have a nice day."
what women would do if they had a penis for a day
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.
9. Get a blow job.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
1. Repeat number 9......
... Midget in Texas
A midget in Texas went to the doctor because his testicles hurt and ached almost all the time. The doctor told him to drop his pants, stood him up on the examining table, and started to examine him.
The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia.
"Hmmmm," mumbled the doc and, as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again.
"Hmmmmm, I see the problem" said the doctor.
He reached for his surgical scissors. Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side, then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to hop down off the table and pull his pants up and walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still ached.
The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.
The doctor said, "How does that feel now?"
The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?"
The doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots."
A blind man and his guide dog walk into a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke ?"
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, you should know something.The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I’m a 6’ tall, 200 lb.blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she’s a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she’s a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times."
A dislexic man walks into a bra
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign above the bar that reads..
ham sandwich’s $2
chicken sandwich’s $3
hand jobs $4
so the man walks up to the hot woman with big tits behind the bar and ask’s excuse me are you the one who does the hand jobs?
she smiles at him and sais yes
the man then replies can you wash your hands i would like a ham sandwich
A man walks into a bar and orders 7 double vodkas. The bartender asks wow whats with all the drinks. The man says I just found out my older brother is ***. The bartender says thats a good reason for the drinks. The next day the same man walks in and orders the same thing. Bartender asked again what happened today. The man replies i just found out my younger brother is ***. And the bartender said yet another good reason. The next day the same man walks in and orders the same thing. The bartender said Geez doesnt anyone in your family like women? The man looks at him and says Yeah my wife...
a man walkes into a bar and says "bartender, give me six shots of whiskey" the bar tender looks at him and says, "six whiskeys? what are we celebrating?" the man says " i just got my first blow job" the bartender smiles thinking about his first blow job and says"well congratulations have a beer on the house" the man turns and says "no way man , if the whiskey can’t get this taste out of my mouth, nothing will!!!"
A guy goes into a bar and orders three Margaritas. The Bartender says "Whats wrong?" The guy says "I just cought my wife sleeping with my best friend." The bartender says "What did you do about it?" The guy says " I told my wife to pack her things and get out." "That sounds resonable." says the bartender. The bartender then asks "What did you do about your best friend?" The guy says " I looked at him straight in the eye and said bad dog"
A guy walks into a bar.. he asks the bartender for an empty glass. He then walks to the far side of the bar and places the empty glass there. Then he walks back to where the bartender is standing. He says, "I bet u 500 $ that i can piss from here all the way into that empty glass without dropping." The bartender laffs and says," YOUR ON"! The guy pisses all over the bar, on the bartender.. EVERYWHERE. He completely misses the glass. the bartender laffs his ass off and says, "hand over the 500$". The guy then walks to a man sitting at one of the tables and takes 1000$ from him and then goes back to the bartender and gives him the 500$. the bartenders asks, "whered u get the money?" The guy says, "i bet that guy over there that i can piss all over ur bar and you and make u laff ur ass off for 1000$"
There once was a couple of newlyweds named John and Wendy. John told his wife Wendy that he wanted a tattoo! Wendy agreed and said that would be ok. John did not know what the tattoo should say or where he would put it. So Wendy said, "Well, if you REALLY loved me, you would get my name tattooed on your pecker."
John couldn't back out on that one, so he went to the tattoo parlor. The tattoo artist told him that he needed to have an erection while he put it on. After an hour of excruciating pain, the tattoo was done.
As John was on his way home from the tattoo parlor he saw a rest stop and decided he needed to stop and take a leak. He went to the restroom and looked down to admire his tattoo and he noticed, that when he was not erect, the only letters that were visible, were the W and the Y.
Suddenly, a big black gentleman steps into the urinal beside John and John accidentally looked down at the guy and could not help but notice that he ALSO had the letters W and Y tattooed.
So John said "Hey, I guess you have a girlfriend or wife named Wendy too."
The guys looked confused and said, "What makes you think that?"
John replied "Well I noticed the W and the Y tattoo -- so you don't have a girlfriend named Wendy?"
The black guys laughed and responded, "No mon, that tattoo says, "Welcome to Jamaica! Have a nice day."
what women would do if they had a penis for a day
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.
9. Get a blow job.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
1. Repeat number 9......
... Midget in Texas
A midget in Texas went to the doctor because his testicles hurt and ached almost all the time. The doctor told him to drop his pants, stood him up on the examining table, and started to examine him.
The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia.
"Hmmmm," mumbled the doc and, as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again.
"Hmmmmm, I see the problem" said the doctor.
He reached for his surgical scissors. Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side, then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to hop down off the table and pull his pants up and walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still ached.
The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.
The doctor said, "How does that feel now?"
The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?"
The doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots."
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