My brother just hit my mom in the face.

[jimy]

In my culture, you'll get your ass beat.

[kantkillkeenan]

hes got issues.

Find out what they are and solve them if you can. When i was growing up i had mad issues but shit got figured out eventually. He prolly needs to talk to someone. Take him aside and go for a drive in the whip somewhere new and diferent, have some bro time and tell him that he cant be actiang like a child anymore and needs to be a man...kindly. Then tell him in a sern no fucking around voice that the next time he puts his hands on ur mother he going to regret the day he was born.

that will blow him away

[CB7 Sleeper]

Kevin, support your parents. That's your role in this. Anything more would be undermining their authority, and it wouldn't help. If anything, it could hurt the situation. Only act if you're capable of preventing direct harm (if your brother goes to hit your mom again, stop him! But don't seek him out for a violent conflict after something has been done).
Talk to your brother. Play the role of the concerned older brother, but not an order giver. You aren't in a position to tell him what to do, and he won't respect you as an authority figure. The only thing you can go on is his respect for you as his older brother. Play on his respect for you, however much that may be. It will be far more effective than anything else.

Thanks deev, I understand exactly what you are saying. The thing is though, this was a big surprise to even me because he has never done anything like this before. Sure, he's always been a disrespectful and mouthy S.O.B. but has never acted out in violence towards my parents.

I had a little talk with him on the way to school this morning. I made sure to leave a little earlier than usual so I could sit in the school parking lot and get some time in with him. As it turns out, he really regrets what he did and ended up crying in the car a little. He is under a lot of stress due to school work and some social issues. He was pushed over the edge yesterday and lost control. I'm sure this happens to the best of us. He does not have an anger issue, and he doesn't have a history of freaking out like this. It was just a bad day, and he lost control. I was playing the whole "understanding older brother role" then I moved to the little talking to about hitting women and disrespecting your parents. I talked about my issues in the past, and tried to convince him that he doesn't want to go through some of the things I had to go through and deal with. I was calm with him, and understanding. Things are settled now, and hopefully there will not be any more incidents like this in the future.

Oh, and yes, a physical confrontation would have been a bad idea. I could have dealt with him easily, even with my bad back. My back is broken, and any sort of strenuous activity does put me in a LOT of pain, but I work through it every day which I am sure isn't very good for me but I handle it. I should not be the authority figure though. That is my parents job and I will only help to establish that authority in the household by setting an example.

[visualpoet]

After reading through this, I really can't offer much advice that you haven't already received.

I've been a 15 year old boy, and I'm the parent of a 16 yr old and one that will be 18 in a week, so I've been on both sides of the line. Part of the problem is that your brother is 15 and starting to feel like a man, but his mind and emotions are still a child's. It seems like everything is so important around that age, mostly because of the unusually high amount of stress academically, socially, emotionally and it's all made worse by the flood of hormones and changes racing through him.

If your dad can still beat him in a fair fight (not a real fight, but some good natured wrestling around, he doesn't need to hurt him or anything, just prove that he can still whup him if he needs to), then he should. After he's re-established his dominance, he needs to explain that he understands some of what your brother's going through. (It's hard to believe, but father's have actually gone through most of the same things teenage boys are going through. The car bodies and clothes change, but the basic life occurences don't change too much). Then he needs to make it explicitly clear that what your brother did is completely unacceptable and that if he ever lays his hands on the woman your father loves again, he might accidentally hurt him in a fit of anger.

Both of my teens like to talk mad shit about they can take me down anytime they want because I'm old and slow, but I can take them both at once without causing any real pain. The times they do feel pain is when they don't listen to me telling them "Okay, stop. You're going to push yourself too hard trying to get out of this and then you're going to get hurt. I'm not going to hurt you, you're going to hurt yourself." The last time, I pinned one and had the other in a fingerlock. He didn't listen and had a stiff finger for about a week. I could do it a lot quicker if I wanted to hurt them.


If your dad isn't able to, (I don't know his physical condition, age, fighting skills or disposition) then it sounds like you're doing the best thing you can. It sounds like you already tried to have a good talk with your brother, but try explaining to him that she's not just his mother, she's your mother too, and the next time anyone tries to hurt your mother, that person is going to get hurt, because you love her and want to protect her. Ask him what he would do if one of his buddies hit your mom. As children, we often forget that our mother is also the woman our dad loves and protects, and she's also our sibling's mother, and they may not be happy about the way someone treats her.

[TheFirstNutZo]

Lousy situation, to be sure. If he's never done it before, its likely that he regrets it. You might want to talk to him and see what HE thinks of what HE did. If he's a dickhole about it, that's one thing, and obviously will need to be dealt with. It's possible that he just got super mad and made a mistake that he regrets, and will not repeat.

You might also want to talk to your dad and ask him how he intends to handle the situation if it comes up again. If he is unwilling to take the plate in a meaningful way, then you may need to step in, in some way or another, but I'd consider that to be your last resort. Especially since you have already had trouble with the law and don't need to get into that again.

Beating the shit out of your brother will not likely help anything, and will just make things worse. A mistake that a lot of parents make (a situation that you are in a way being pushed into since your dad isn't taking care of things) is the distinction between anger/retribution, and punishment/discipline. When you're pissed off and start yelling/hitting people, you aren't punishing them or disciplining them -- you're out of control and the action will end badly and not have the intended positive effects. You'll just be beating the hell out of them because you're mad. If you intend to discipline, you choose an action that fits the 'crime' and you clearly explain the reason for the action, and how to prevent the action occuring in the future, and you do whatever is fitting for the discipline. "you're going to be spanked because you misbehaved. Don't misbehave and you won't get spanked" WHACK.

Whatever you do, at any point, in relation to your brother, NEVER EVER do it because you are mad, and don't do it WHEN you are mad. Do it because it needs doing, because its the right thing to do. And talk to those involved before you take physical action.

[Nerocb7]

damn well try not to hit the lil guy though desicion i hope ur mom is okay

[gcvphoto]

I will suggest this... DO NOT TALK TO HIM ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED. If you bring it up now, you are no better than him. If your parents already talked to him about the situation then there is no point to further input your opinion. Which you have to remember that is all it is... your opinion. However, you NEED to set an example for him. Talk to him calmly about why he is upset in general, because there is something bigger going on. (Maybe he wants the attention you had when you were a trouble kid). Whatever his reasoning for how he feels, it is up to you as the bigger brother to provide the proper guidance in how he should deal with his problems and parents.

You have to understand that I am speaking from experience, except I was the problem child. I was the one yelling at my parents and getting in physical fights with them. Family situations are completely different than any other type and unless you are directly involved (ie. not just watching and interjecting comments) then you have no right to interject your opinion.

Yes, what your brother did was horrible and inexcusable. But that does not mean there is a BIGGER UNDERLYING PROBLEM than that situation. IMHO your brother needs a complete and thorough psychiatric evaluation to accurately determine what is causing the problems. Because honestly, there might not be anything wrong other than that your brother needs to be on medication. Or maybe he needs someone to help him understand his emotions.


Yes, hitting any woman by a man or child is deserving of getting his ass kicked. However, any older guy beating up an underage kid deserves to be dragged into an alley and have his face kicked in. You obviously know you are bigger than him and if you even lay a hand on him then you are no better than he is. And your actions will hold no more nobility than his. Don't act tough because you think you need to set him straight.

If any of you responded to this post telling the OP that he should beat up his brother, then you really need to take a close examination at your life. Its called being a bigger person and letting violent thoughts go and not acting on them.

[deevergote]

Thanks deev, I understand exactly what you are saying. The thing is though, this was a big surprise to even me because he has never done anything like this before. Sure, he's always been a disrespectful and mouthy S.O.B. but has never acted out in violence towards my parents.

I had a little talk with him on the way to school this morning. I made sure to leave a little earlier than usual so I could sit in the school parking lot and get some time in with him. As it turns out, he really regrets what he did and ended up crying in the car a little. He is under a lot of stress due to school work and some social issues. He was pushed over the edge yesterday and lost control. I'm sure this happens to the best of us. He does not have an anger issue, and he doesn't have a history of freaking out like this. It was just a bad day, and he lost control. I was playing the whole "understanding older brother role" then I moved to the little talking to about hitting women and disrespecting your parents. I talked about my issues in the past, and tried to convince him that he doesn't want to go through some of the things I had to go through and deal with. I was calm with him, and understanding. Things are settled now, and hopefully there will not be any more incidents like this in the future.

Oh, and yes, a physical confrontation would have been a bad idea. I could have dealt with him easily, even with my bad back. My back is broken, and any sort of strenuous activity does put me in a LOT of pain, but I work through it every day which I am sure isn't very good for me but I handle it. I should not be the authority figure though. That is my parents job and I will only help to establish that authority in the household by setting an example.

It sounds to me that you handled things in the best possible way.

I'm sorry if I assumed that he had a history of this. If it was an isolated incident, then I retract most of what I said about counseling. You're right, it's not at the point where it really needs to happen. If it continues, all that I said will stand.


Sorry if I come off as a know it all here... but this is what I went to school for. I shouldn't get involved in an online discussion, with people that aren't "clients"... but it's difficult to read about something and not want to offer help. Especially since you guys are like family to me (distant family... but family! ) It just irritates me to see so much lousy advice being given with such authority. I know my approach isn't the only viable one... but, some of the things said here are just idiotic.

[CB7 Sleeper]

It sounds to me that you handled things in the best possible way.

I'm sorry if I assumed that he had a history of this. If it was an isolated incident, then I retract most of what I said about counseling. You're right, it's not at the point where it really needs to happen. If it continues, all that I said will stand.


Sorry if I come off as a know it all here... but this is what I went to school for. I shouldn't get involved in an online discussion, with people that aren't "clients"... but it's difficult to read about something and not want to offer help. Especially since you guys are like family to me (distant family... but family! ) It just irritates me to see so much lousy advice being given with such authority. I know my approach isn't the only viable one... but, some of the things said here are just idiotic.

Yea, the "beat his ass" posts and such were ignored. I figured your assumption of him having a history of violence was my fault, because I didn't clarify that in the beginning. I am actually the one with the history of violence and counseling issues, that's why this really hit me hard when I saw him act like this.

I knew you had this sort of schooling, and that is why I honored your advice over most others in this thread. Some of the other guys did give some good advice though, and I'd like to say thanks to them as well.

[DJ metadelic]

Hope ya'll got it all squared away Kevin.

[Makaveli2k]

Thanks deev, I understand exactly what you are saying. The thing is though, this was a big surprise to even me because he has never done anything like this before. Sure, he's always been a disrespectful and mouthy S.O.B. but has never acted out in violence towards my parents.

I had a little talk with him on the way to school this morning. I made sure to leave a little earlier than usual so I could sit in the school parking lot and get some time in with him. As it turns out, he really regrets what he did and ended up crying in the car a little. He is under a lot of stress due to school work and some social issues. He was pushed over the edge yesterday and lost control. I'm sure this happens to the best of us. He does not have an anger issue, and he doesn't have a history of freaking out like this. It was just a bad day, and he lost control. I was playing the whole "understanding older brother role" then I moved to the little talking to about hitting women and disrespecting your parents. I talked about my issues in the past, and tried to convince him that he doesn't want to go through some of the things I had to go through and deal with. I was calm with him, and understanding. Things are settled now, and hopefully there will not be any more incidents like this in the future.

Oh, and yes, a physical confrontation would have been a bad idea. I could have dealt with him easily, even with my bad back. My back is broken, and any sort of strenuous activity does put me in a LOT of pain, but I work through it every day which I am sure isn't very good for me but I handle it. I should not be the authority figure though. That is my parents job and I will only help to establish that authority in the household by setting an example.

Boxxy would be so proud of you.

=p

Good to hear everything is cleared up.

[CB7 Sleeper]

Boxxy would be so proud of you.

=p

Good to hear everything is cleared up.

[DJ metadelic]

Show her this thread Kevin.

She'll marry you in a hearbeat.

d'awwwwwww

[wed3k]

do you know how the native americans kept the babies from crying so that other tribes wouldnt hear them out? they put thier hands over the babies mouth till it passed out or stopped crying.

when people choke, they usually begin to find means to do anything possible to stop it kinda like the torture method waterboarding.

[HondaB18]

Saying this in the nicest way possible but you/your family has issues. I know you changed and all but maybe its too late for your bro or maybe not. How did your parents raise you/your brother?

First of all, anyone hits my mom, I'll kill them.

Second of all, I think an ass kicking is warranted, youre his brother, beat him straight. I got hit with a 2x4 everytime I fucked up, you learn real quick.

But under no circumstances should a kid hit his mom, thats just fucked up, and is warranted as a ass beating right there.

So you learn to solve problems with by violence right? Awesome!!!!