My brother just hit my mom in the face.

[deevergote]

I understand deev, and this is good advice. They currently do have control, and progress is being made.

I really just want to have a talk with him about respect, and hitting his own mother, as well as hitting a woman in general.

I don't want him ending up with the issues I have. He is a better kid than that, and he has the potential to go far in his life. He just needs to get his shit in line.

In that case, talk to him about it sometime in the future. Calmly. And avoid a confrontation. You have a better chance of influencing his behavior by playing on his respect for his older brother, than you do by playing on his fear of you beating his ass. That will only result in an increase in his challenging attitude.

[turbo90accord]

If you have problems controlling your own agression how can you expect your siblings to learn to do differently?

Lead by example... Something i wish i did better with my brother when i was younger.

[CB7 Sleeper]

Once he's simmered down, pull him aside, and in a non combative way, confront him.

Explain that you've been through a lot, and been in a lot of trouble in your younger years as well. He probably knows about most of it, but show that you understand where he's coming from.

Ask him what's going through his mind, and why he chose to make the decision he did.

Thanks Noah, this is the direction I am headed right now. I have had to sit him down and have a talk with him before much like this after a little incident I had.

He made me really angry, and told me he wanted me to die. So long story short I grabbed a knife and held it out to him and told him to do it for me because my love for this family is the only reason I haven't done it myself. I was screaming, and I was serious. He broke down crying and I had to calm down and talk to him. I have issues, and I don't want him to have to go through the same things.

[DJ metadelic]

I'm just lucky I have a sister. She may be super moody at times, but she never yells.

[CB7 Sleeper]

If you have problems controlling your own agression how can you expect your siblings to learn to do differently?

Lead by example... Something i wish i did better with my brother when i was younger.

This is one thing I cannot stand hearing. The kid doesn't see enough of me to see a good example. I go to school and work full time. What he does see of me is an exhausted, cranky jerk most of the time, due to my busy ass schedule. And when I don't have my pills, it's only worse.

His aggression is much different than mine. I can see some of me in his actions, but the rest is all him. I was never as disrespectful to my parents, and I never acted out in violence towards them. It was others, that I had problems with.

[DJ metadelic]

Tell him to get a hobby.





Like CB's.

[DJ metadelic]

Never mind. Sorry. I forgot he's 15...

[CB7 Sleeper]

Never mind. Sorry. I forgot he's 15...

I was just about to say...

He is a future coupe owner though, in his mind.

[L_U_D_I_AAccord]

Well he is 15, he is old enough to understand what he did is not good, a conversation face to face, eyes to eyes with him should give you understanding of why he did this. My suggestion is not to answer with aggression. Find out why he did it in a calmly manner, then have him go buy flowers and apologizer to his mother if he still has respect for her!

[ric3rboi23]

I have a sister.

post pics.

She may be super moody at times

lol "times"

[CB7 Sleeper]

My parents are done with him, and things seem to ironed out there, somewhat. I'm gonna catch him tomorrow about it, in a calm tone, face to face.

[512CB7]

beat the shit out of him bro, no god damn kid should never touch there parents

[evil_demon_01]

This is the issue. We don't need the cops showing up here any more. My parents got that enough out of me, and I don't want my brother ending up like me.

So how did you turn out?
From what I see around here you at least seem intelligent, and respectful.

Maybe the cops is part of the reason for that, If it is going to help him in someway to be influenced by the cops then it worth it in the long run.

beat the shit out of him bro, no god damn kid should never touch there parents

Yea because using your fists solves everything

[owequitit]

Yeah, I haven't done anything yet. I walked back out into the kitchen and sat down and have been listening to the conversation. My parents have established control and have him sitting, and listening.

The blatant disrespect and sarcasm is all still there though. He is arguing with zero back up and no point to his argument. Basically, he is arguing just to argue.

I've had problems with the police in the past, so I don't believe any sort of physical confrontation would be good for me right now. Last time, I got off easy and just had to see a counselor and go to an anger management group, but I wouldn't be that lucky this time around.

I also am A VERY BIG guy. I'm short, but have a lot of fight training under my belt, and I lift a lot as well. I know if I lost control of my anger I could really hurt him, and I don't want to do that right now. He is just a small, average sized kid, and couldn't put up much of a fight. So that's a no go.

I have always been the one with problems in this family, and I'm currently in the process of overcoming some of the emotional/mental issues I have regarding anger and depression. He has no reason to be flipping out. He has a good life, a lot of friends, he never has to do anything around the house, and he is constantly babied and having things handed to him. He is lucky and lives a completely different life than I have had to live in my childhood. This is what I believe is his problem. A lack of discipline lead to his disrespect and irresponsibility.

I am cooled down now, and I know I am going to have to get him in another room a little later and have a talk with him. I need advice though, from you guys. What should I say to him, and how should I go about confronting him on this issue. I want to make an impact, but I don't want this to turn into a fight because I am worried I'll hurt him.

I have a problem controlling myself, I know. When I am angry, I can do some terrible things, and I have. So I need advice on how to have an effect on him, and make him think. He needs to learn. Advice please.

1) He is 15. Raging hormones. Stupid kids doing stupid shit for stupid reasons. It isn't like teenagers are logical when they get emotional.

2) If he is listening now, then that is a step in the right direction. However, if the snideness in his attitude is still there, it is unlikely that it taught him anything. However, give that a few days, because sometimes it needs time to sink in, and sometimes he would be too self-concious to let his "guard" down and admit he fucked up.

3) He is obviously upset about something, but with him being a 15 year old boy, it could be anything from a major chick issue to his hair not being done right. I remember those times. They were...interesting.

There are certain behaviors that are NOT tolerable. Period. It doesn't matter if he is upset, rational, or anything else. It doesn't matter if he is emotional. Part of being an adult is learning (or being taught) to control your emotions. It isn't like you just wake up one day and learn how to be a man. Better yet, to behave like one. It is usually a long, hard fought and confrontational experience that ends in frustration and humility.

It's really fucking simple. You make the price for undesired behavior higher than the price he wants to pay.

My best friend had a situation similar to yours only worse. His brother was into speed and heroin, and was schizophrenic and bipolar to boot. He came home one day and decided he wanted to beat the crap out of his mom, my friend, and my friend's other brother's (the oldest of 3, my friend is the youngest and the problem child is middle) wife. Needless to say, it didn't end well for him. Jaime (the oldest brother) got the phone call at work and was home by the time he had moved onto my friend. He walked in the room, didn't say word, kicked him in the face, then kneed him in the face and VERY clearly explained to him that if it ever happened again, he would take him into the desert and bury the body where nobody would EVER find it.

It didn't matter WHY he did it, how HE felt, or what the reason was. It mattered that it was an unacceptable course of action that required immediate and swift correction. The literal kick in the face just got his attention. It was the threat of paying a price he didn't want to that really provided the motivation for a behavioral change. To this day (the middle brother is well into his 30's), he is still bipolar, and schizophrenic. To this day he doesn't like to take his pills, and he still from time to time wants to get mouthy. But I guarandamntee that when his mom tells him to do something, he fucking does it, without question, without fail, and without hesitation. Why? Because he knows damn well that Jaime wasn't fucking around (he really wasn't), and that if anybody caused waves for him with Jaime that it was going to cost him big.

Similar to a small child, spankings to wreak punishment are ineffective. Spankings to correct behavior are ineffective. However, they ARE HIGHLY EFFECTIVE at letting the child know that they WILL pay attention when you require it, and that they ARE out of bounds, and are NOT in control. It is more of an attention getter than anything. It establishes dominance. Now, when I say spankings are effective, I am talking a really light swat on the butt, that doesn't even really sting. There is no reason to cause harm, or even pain. The psychological effect is enough to serve the purpose. It gets their attention. USUALLY, if used correctly, it doesn't take more than 1 or 2 in a lifetime to set the precedence of who is running the show. I think I got spanked once when I was little, and I don't even remember it, but I DO remember who was in charge.

But the problem with your brother is that he clearly was without bounds at a young age, and is thus that much harder to get to respect them. As such, a nice hard pounding ought to get his attention and reassert his position in the food chain. It would be best if it were your dad who did it, but ultimately, as long as he knows such behavior is going to cost him more than it is worth, he WILL modify his behavior. He may also then understand what it feels like to get the crap beat out of him, which may make him more controlled in extending such courtesy in the future. You try to justify it as saying "he is an average sized boy." Is your mom an average sized boy? Did SHE deserve to get the shit beat out of her? Then why should he be spared from his own devices? Let him walk a mile in her shoes... He HAS to understand what it is like to be the other person. Without seeing through her eyes, he can't appreciate how hurtful what he did really was to her. I am guessing he would be very unhappy with himself if he knew he had hurt his mother like that.

Unfortunately, I deal with these silver spoon, get what I want, Dr. Spock, cry me a river, "don't hurt my psyche" bullshit kids ALL DAY long at work. In the VAST majority of cases, a "spanking" would have gone a lot further than defference.

The biggest thing damaging the future of this country right now is this, "don't hurt the psyche" bullshit. Life sucks, it is hard, and it almost never gives you what you want. Life doesn't give a shit if your psyche is damaged. As such, it does nothing but good for the child to understand that they aren't the center of the universe, their psyche is GOING to get hurt, and that there ARE limits to what is acceptable of their behavior. Period.

Now, because he seems to have dealt with it, it may just take him a little bit for everything horrible he did to sink in, in which case it will be fine. So now, just watch out for the continuation of the bad behavior, in which case, something more severe might be in order.

[s2kracer]

Grab your brother and give him a big hug. Tell him how much you love him every once in awhile as well as your parents. No matter what happens you are always going to be family. Tell him some people aren't so fortunate to have people close to them and don't bite the hand that feeds you.