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    new track need chorus

    so i layed some shit on a track but I cant think of anything for a chorus, if anyone here raps or anything ide appreciate any help, i jus need a chorus, if you listen to what i got you can see where i need it. this is my secon time recording a song so ya, i'm still learnin.

    http://s92198702.onlinehome.us/ab.mp3


    lyrics:

    in city streets
    where the cities shameful sleep
    where the weak are the sheep
    an dey hide behind deceit
    those fools neva say feed us
    cause although they need stuff
    they struggle to speak up
    sayin fuck the freedom
    we worked so hard to protect
    ignorance is neglect
    its continuously in effect
    this city should take a breath
    breath for a second
    i'm tryin to write about the mess were in
    maybe you cant read the message
    so on your voicemail i left it
    my tears of sin were washed away
    with those tissues that i use
    hugs keep gettin construed
    and his love gets misused
    ya this war with love is cruel
    but we all gonna die in the end
    reminiscin on kisses n friends
    but im jus pretendin it aint shit
    cause i can see the picture
    that shit sits encrypted
    when it spoke its message i listened
    how dare you say im pretentious
    i often pursue the elusive
    some would say im stupid
    but it my mind starts to loose it
    i'm just blame it on cupid

    chorus: ??

    so back to the matter at hand
    i close the book on the chapter
    that so few undastand
    why my lifes deprived of laughter
    take a walk in my mind
    i often talk with my otherside
    when my mother nearly died
    i spit at the sky
    i dont know what i woulda did
    if i lost any family or friends
    it would bee like bullets to the head
    i already been stabbed in the chest
    she easily took my breath away
    but i was competing for her everday
    then i got sick inside
    an now she sits in time
    sometimes i miss her smile
    sometimes i miss her kiss
    sometimes i try to forget
    because ignorance is bliss
    thats why fools fall in love
    the wise dont wanna get crushed
    but i was so intrigued by a touch
    but i'm done talkin bout that stuff
    but i have moved on
    an im attemptin to remain strong
    but when i hear a love song
    i gotta change the station
    why is this world so impatient
    by exposin this words
    i feel i'm showin myself naked
    now i'm religously faithless

    chorus: ??

    ambigiously interpreted
    if you felt these words youd hurt
    an nobody deserves to feel what i converse that is certain
    paint a picture of the sky
    continplait how were livin to die
    you should mimic a mime
    cause im so sick of ya lies
    when she sings that song sound so sweet to me
    but i see evil in her eyes body to weak to retreat
    speakin through the phone my demons on the other end
    he tellin me concur or i'll kill yo family n friends
    this is exactly, when, my instanity sets in
    i take a deep breath and begin relaxin
    but i'm gettin my ass kicked
    by the conceptual demons,
    as i'm searchin for freedom
    but i reall jus need love
    to open his door for a second
    my chest is bein arrested
    gettin dificult to breath
    ill be the first contestin
    whose only weapon is speech
    i pursue that life, yo i neva had as a kid
    but other families did,

    #2
    "So my life goes on and on and on, but to my truest nature, I remain strong,
    yeah to my truest nature I reamain stong, that's right my life goes on and on and on, but to my truest nature I reamain strong"

    I think it would go well with the beat if you can figure out a way. You probably don't like it, but the song is deep enough I think to have a chorus like that. This is my first time attempting to write a chorus, I tried, I'll try to think of some others

    SOLD!!
    Boosted H22
    375whp 298 ft/lbs at 15psi

    MEMBERS RIDE THREAD<<<CLICK FOR VIDS AND COOL PICS

    Comment


      #3
      sorry, i shoulda clarified, i need someone to record a chorus on that song. i want someone elses voice in that ish.


      also any critique on the track is helpful, i'm new to this.

      Comment


        #4
        Oh...sorry man can't help you there. Why don't you go to Ebaums world and record the voice of a celebrity, maybe Al Pacino or Deniro or Arnold

        SOLD!!
        Boosted H22
        375whp 298 ft/lbs at 15psi

        MEMBERS RIDE THREAD<<<CLICK FOR VIDS AND COOL PICS

        Comment


          #5
          no one raps or sings? =/

          Comment


            #6
            i do.

            c-man c-man
            rhymin like a deman
            you the gate keepa
            but i got the keys man
            dukin it out
            with the ghost busta
            got the rhymin skillz you cant possilby musta
            my hair be curly
            but i be straight
            come talkin that shit
            im gonna get irate

            http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm...endid=79570118

            i be repristentin da jemima collective, check da space above HOmie

            BTW dawg, C-man i bees da last one to rap in dat tyte song yO

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by 501accord
              i do.

              c-man c-man
              rhymin like a deman
              you the gate keepa
              but i got the keys man
              dukin it out
              with the ghost busta
              got the rhymin skillz you cant possilby musta
              my hair be curly
              but i be straight
              come talkin that shit
              im gonna get irate

              http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm...endid=79570118

              i be repristentin da jemima collective, check da space above HOmie

              BTW dawg, C-man i bees da last one to rap in dat tyte song yO
              track was pretty sick you layed a tight verse, got anymore shit?

              Comment


                #8
                haha we dont take ourselves too serious. we might do another track. but we sound good because we know a guy who does professional recording and shit. i might write some shit down tommorow at school if anything.

                i though of:

                slippery slopes
                and jewish popes.

                we will see where this takes me.

                Comment

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