TIPS FROM THE REDNECK BOOK OF MANNERS
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed,it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it
is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
*** DINING OUT ***
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers
covering the Label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant
may not have dogs.
*** ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME ***
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his
manners are.
*** PERSONAL HYGIENE ***
1. While ears need t o be cleaned regularly, this is a job that
should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several
days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good
money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as
they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of
finger foods.
*** DATING (Outside the Family) ***
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been
wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom
wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back.
Some will say! 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If "Monday" is
the answer, it is the man's responsibility
to get her to sch ool on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as,
"ya sure don't sweat much for a fat
gal."
*** WEDDINGS ***
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with
cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an
appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this Special
occasion.
5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the
sack.
** DRIVING ETIQUETTE ***
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the
gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the
largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duc t tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is
impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially
when driving.
6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
*** TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER ***
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed,it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it
is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
*** DINING OUT ***
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers
covering the Label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant
may not have dogs.
*** ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME ***
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his
manners are.
*** PERSONAL HYGIENE ***
1. While ears need t o be cleaned regularly, this is a job that
should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several
days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good
money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as
they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of
finger foods.
*** DATING (Outside the Family) ***
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been
wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom
wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back.
Some will say! 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If "Monday" is
the answer, it is the man's responsibility
to get her to sch ool on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as,
"ya sure don't sweat much for a fat
gal."
*** WEDDINGS ***
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with
cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an
appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this Special
occasion.
5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the
sack.
** DRIVING ETIQUETTE ***
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the
gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the
largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duc t tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is
impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially
when driving.
6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
*** TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER ***
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
