odd encounter with my father

[Bluejayde]

My dad has borderline personality disorder. Basically he treats me amazing for a while, saying how proud he is of me and taking interest in my life.

Then he'll come wake me up at 6 in the morning on a Saturday yelling at me for not keeping my room clean enough or some stupid shit like that, and treat me horribly for a while.

I've learned to deal with it, it's all I've ever known, but it hurts to see my Mom. She really can't deal with it, because she knew him before it got bad. She's the nicest person you'll ever meet, I guarantee, but anytime I try to talk to her she breaks down because her husband won't talk to you except to belittle her(he sleeps in our computer room on a mattress), and she doesn't have any friends.

My biggest fear is that I'll turn out like my dad. Every day I catch myself doing something he might do, and it scares the hell out of me. I never wan't to beat my wife or my kids, and I don't want to abuse them verbally either, but I catch myself all the time being really short and sarcastic with my girlfriend(wonderful, beautiful girl), and it really worries me that I'll end up just like him.

Okay, this post turned out really long, sorry. I guess I need to talk about this more than I thought.

[deevergote]

Man, I know how hard that can be Bluejayde... My roommate's girlfriend has a father that's even worse than your description there (NO good times with him anymore...)

Hell, if you ever need to talk about stuff like that, I'm around. That's kinda what I plan on doing with my life (family counseling) so I'm always happy to listen! Sometimes just getting it out helps.



Anyway, I had to respond to Warrior's Beavis and Butthead comment. My dad did the same thing when I was a kid! My mom was totally against the show, but when she was at work, my dad would sit and watch it with me And help me cover it up if my mom came home early Unfortunately, my dad also passed away... Having a good family life, and paying attention to your family (regrets are the hardest to deal with when you realize what you could've had if you cared to notice it) is very important. For those of you that have it good, cherish it. It won't last forever. For those that don't always have it good... hold onto what IS good. Try to make the memories that matter good ones! For those that have it bad... just do your best. Fall back on those that care. Friends are family when you need them to be.

[Bluejayde]

Deev, I was starting to worry about you, what with your last post in the "I'm done" thread, but maybe you're not such a hardass after all(just playin').

Thanks man, I totally agree with you. Friends are family too, and they don't just love you because of blood, they love you for who you are, don't forget that.

I've had quite a few families call me their "third son" or "second child" over the years, people who maybe didn't know exactly what was going on but were willing to help out a insane little kid that ate them out of house and home. Those people are not as far and few between as we might think.

I hope I always remember what it was like growing up, so that I can take the time to help others, even when it may inconvenience me, just like others helped me out when I really needed it.

[HenRoc]

When I was around 1-4 years old...those were considerably the best years of my life when my dad was around. We went to the park...worked on cars and then when I was ultimately moved away because of money issues between him and my mom...over the years our closeness (sp?) fell apart...like a jet thats been shot down..peice by peice except it was really slow..

I didnt get to see him again until I was 11 years old...I loved my dad so much so that I cried for a good while after I came back from Jersey one year..and then after 8th grade he cut off all contact...no calls , maybe a letter here and there and a few gifts (built me a PC when I was in 7th grade one of the fastest PCs I ever had at the time).

Over the next couple years,I slowly realized that my dad was selfish , self centered and uncaring. He only contacted me when he felt it was needed...and his mother (my own grandmother) covered up for him and never really tried to make some sense as to why I never really wanted anything to do with him or his side of the family...I feel bad at times...and I couldve gone to Westport , CT from the last meet (If I had gone alone...I could've gone). But because of the anger and resentment I hold personally to my own fathers family...I choose to do the same..I cut off contact..permenantly.

In any case I rather consider my stepfater my realdad..hes been there more for me than my dad ever was...and the even good part is I met him when I was 5 years old at a my moms friends party...so he knew my mom for a good while before they got hitched.

I guess the father to all of us plays an even bigger role in our lives than just our own mothers.

I fear too that Im heading in my dads footsteps but I try and steer away from it....life is tough but you deal...it sounds like some of us come from good families...others are just hard struggling ones..Im kinda glad I have my friends here at Cb7tuner.com , outside of work and especially my gf.

Who else would join a site just to chat..my gf would.