I hate drama, my mom might be breaking up, need advice.

[jboyce]

So my mom caught her girlfriend(yes my moms a lesbian) using speed, and weed, and $300 missing from their bank account. and she lied about it all. so now they are probaly breaking up after 4 years. I don't know if i should stand behind them and help them get back together, or just tell my mom to back out. Just review these and tell me what you'd do. Don't leave a comment unless you're serious, cause this is a very serious subject with me. any lesbian comments start a new thread. this email almost made me cry, cause i never knew any of this...and i've lost every parent i've ever had, my dad, sis's dad, brothers dad, and about 3 other dads, i loved and lost them all


HER EMAIL SHE SENT ME:

>From: Kimberly A----- <------------------@yahoo.com>
>To: jonnboyce@hotmail.com
>Subject: Jonn please read this.. from kim
>Date: Wed, 13 Apr 2005 14:41:50 -0700 (PDT)
>
>jonn,
>
>i want you to know that i am truly sorry for the way i have treated you over the last 4 years that your mom and i have been together. i never took the time to really get to know you and that was wrong for me to do that. when your mom and i first met, i didnt really know how you, matt and britt felt about us being together, and that freaked me out. i wish more than anything that i could change the past, but i cannot. i know that when you were living at home with us, that i always focused on the negative things, and pointed out all your mistakes and was never willing to give any positive atttention. that was unfair of me to do that to you, in fact i did that with matt and your sister too. as you know your mom and i are seperated right now, for many reasons, but your mom left last week because she discovered that i had started using speed again, and i also lied to your mom about some missing money. the other huge issues that we have our trust, honesty, and respect. all those
> things i have destroyed by the way i have treated your mom and you kids.
>i want you to know that i love your mom with all my heart, more than anything i want to make it work with your mom. i have asked her if she would be willing to keep working on our relationship, and as her son i want to know how you feel about it, and if you would be ok with it. i know that i never showed you, or ever told you this, but jonn i do love and care about you, and i would like to be given the chance to really get to know you, and for you and i to be able to have a better relationship than we have had over the last 4 years. i have alot of changing that i need to work on, and one of those changes is the way i treat you kids. you guys are my family, and i want more than anything for you to all remain my family. i want to have a family that is filled with happy times, and good memories.
>i am truly sorry for hurting you, and your mom the way that i know i have, as well matt and britt too. there is no excuse for it, and i will not try to make one. if given the chance there will be alot of changes made by me. i am going to be getting into a treatment program, to get the help that i need for my drug/alcohol addiction. that is the first step in the changes that i should have done a very long time ago. i have asked your mom to be a part of my treatment, and i wanted to tell you that if you wanted to be involved in anyway that you would be more than welcome to. there are many different aspects to treatment, and working on rebuilding relationships with your family is part of it. it would give you the oppurtunity to discuss any issues that you have with me past or present, and i mean anything jonn... if you were to decide that you didn't want to be involved in the treatment, i want you to know that you can come to me with any thing that you feel you need or want to. i
> truly want to work on having better relationships with all of you, and i want you to all be able to see that i love and care about you all and that i want us to all be a family.. this is not just about your mom and i, this is about all of us.
>i want you to think about how you feel about your mom and i trying to make our relationship work, because how you feel about this is very important to me. i want you, matt and britt to all be ok with it.. and whatever you decide i would like you to let me know, and if you are not comfortable with that, then let your mom know.
>no matter what happens between your mom and i, i wanted the chance to tell you that you are a great person with the potential to do great things in your life, and you are one of the smartest people i know.. you are a very bright and intelligent young man, and you have alot of excellent qualities, one of which is being a gemini.. haha.. anyway jonn i am sorry for never giving you recognition for the good things that you have done since your mom and i have been together, and for always focusing on all of the negatives, and so unwilling to overlook any of your mistakes, always wanting you to always make the right decisions, or do your chores whatever the situation may have been. you see i was always so busy focusing on everyone else's shortcomings and overlooking my own, which i have alot of them. these are the things that i will be working very hard at changing. i know that asking your mom and you kids to give me another chance is something that i dont truly deserve, but i want
> this more than anything in the world, and that is why i want you, matt and britt to all let me know, or your mom know how you feel about it too. because you are all my family and it is important to me to know what your feelings are about it. i hope that i am given this chance to prove to all of you, that i really am a good person, and that i do care about all of you, and what goes on in your lives.
>i will go now, and please let me or your mom know what you decide on your mom and i.
>
>take care of yourself, and Caite too.
>
>love,
>kim
>
>
>---------------------------------
>Do you Yahoo!?
> Make Yahoo! your home page



WHAT I WROTE:::

Kim,

I'm not sure the entire story of what happened lately, or what has happened over the time i've been gone. I know what happened when i lived with you all, and honestly i didn't have alot of problems with it...there was never really a point where i felt you only saw a negative in us kids. Sure there were times when i felt you took a step in a teritory you weren't welcome, but that was also when I was around 16 years old. I was happy my mom found someone she could be happy with, and that was all that mattered to me, I may not of thought of it that way at the time, but over time I realized that's all i wanted, was for my mom to be happy after all she had done for us. I could understand how you felt being amongst us all, i'm sure you didn't ask for 3 kids when you met my mom, but it was a baggage someone would have to cope with if they wanted to be with her. You seemed to understand that, but i don't think you knew much about kids, so being so quickly immersed in our family, you werent ready, and i sure wasn't. especially being it so that you were her first girlfriend to move in with us. also being that we were all older, and have had previous authority figures besides my mother, it was hard to accept you, and i'm sure you felt our apprehension to even get to know you. I personally am very uncomfortable getting to know, or getting close to people. Sooo, i dunno, being a gemeni i can be an asshole to my girlfriend, and i'm sure the same can happen to you, so i can't judge you much on that. And i'm not gonna try to diagnose any problems, i'll just say that i'm glad to know you actually cared about us, and didn't just look at us as baggage, cause you know what has happened to me, my brother, and my sister, we've all lost people close to us, and have had to endure alot of pain from all the people that have left my mom and our lives. I don't know if it's worth throwing away for you two, but it's not my decision, but i can say i would be willing to forgive you if you truely felt bad for your actions, and were willing to do something about it. I don't want to see my mom hurt again, and you've already hurt her. I would be willing to stand behind you all in a treatment program, but after that, i wouldn't hesitate to tell my mom to end it if anything happened again, and i would hold no remorse if you fell down the same path again, for whatever reason it may be. I know i've had problems, i've done alot of stupid shit as everyone knows, but i can't change it, i just learn from mistakes. I don't drink rarely anymore, once a month if that, and not near as much as i used to. I'm also getting better at money management and responsibility. So I know that if no one ever forgave me I wouldn't get anywhere, that's one of the main reasons i'm understanding all of this. You may think that since i'm so young, that i have no idea what i'm talking about, hell i probaly don't. This is just all my feelings and opinions. Either way, i'm in a good position to protect my moms best interests, whatever those may be. So in a nutshell, i'm not opposed to you working on your problems, and working something out with my mom. It should be easier since me and matt aren't there, but then again, you have britt, and she is getting older, so i'm sure thats tough.

Also, i know you both love eachother, but that's not always the right reason to stay together, usually it's just the fear of leaving something so familar, and starting all over after spending so much time working on something. Aslong as you don't treat her bad, i don't see a reason why you can't just work on any drug problem.

So, goodluck with everything, it's all my moms decision now. I cant force her to make any decision, and i won't suggest anything, because i don't want to step in between this all and try to convert any feelings she has, cause i may give her the wrong reason to make a decision. But i will send her this email so she knows how i feel.

-Jonn

[bracersi]

My Mom went through a similar situation right before she passed, I ended up giving her really bad advice because I didn't know the whole story. I still feel bad to this day, because I didn't find out what really happend until she left. I think you got the right idea. Leave that one up to your mom. Your mom probrably knows deep down what she has too, and wants too do. All in all just be there to support your mom in whatever decision she does make. Don't be to hard on yourself too, because for some reason the universe tends to unfold exactly as it's supposed too, you just don't relize it until the end.

[mixmatch]

i learned to mind my own business......because that is their business........don't meddle, no such thing as good meddling

my stepdad is cheating on my mom.......i'm minding my business......if i bring it out into the open, i have no job, she get's half of everything but everyone's life changes, and i don't know that she DOESN'T know about it.....so i'm watching him closely, and if it all goes down, he's the enemy and i know why.......but until then, i know nothing

but if anything went down and your mom found out you knew...how would she feel about it? you gotta have trust that the people you really care about will tell you the truth no matter what.

as for the main topic, if she is realling willing to "man up" to her problems then its up to your mom what the future of their relationship is. 4 years is a long time but losing trust in somebody is hard to overlook.

[CoPilot1]

I can't exactly tell you what to do or not to do. All I can say is I hope everything turns out for the best, whatever outcome it may be. I know how you feel losing so many people close to you and the pain it causes. I lost my grandfather to a heart attack, my aunt to cancer, my uncle commited suicide, and my great grandmother died all within a 2 1/2 year span. That was a very rough time for me, I was very depressed then, and just as soon as I started getting better, my parents got divorced and my dad moved away. That was about 5 years ago. I still talk to my dad alot, and see him sometimes, I do miss him. But they are better off apart than together. Good luck man, I hope for the best, and will keep you in my prayers.

[EJ8lvr]

I think you got the right idea. Leave that one up to your mom. Your mom probrably knows deep down what she has too, and wants too do. All in all just be there to support your mom in whatever decision she does make. Don't be to hard on yourself too, because for some reason the universe tends to unfold exactly as it's supposed too, you just don't relize it until the end.

I agree with you...its her decision and she will know whats best for her...all you can do is be there for your mom while she is going through such a difficult time...and let her know how much you care...

[i'm the girl]

My Mom went through a similar situation right before she passed, I ended up giving her really bad advice because I didn't know the whole story. I still feel bad to this day, because I didn't find out what really happend until she left. I think you got the right idea. Leave that one up to your mom. Your mom probrably knows deep down what she has too, and wants too do. All in all just be there to support your mom in whatever decision she does make. Don't be to hard on yourself too, because for some reason the universe tends to unfold exactly as it's supposed too, you just don't relize it until the end.

yeah I'm gonna agree here too, I went through something like this with my last stepfather - minus the drugs - but the attitude and situation were similar... ...and i almost lost my best friend (mom) who turned on me because she got obsessive over making it work. and in the end, for her, she let go

Also, i know you both love eachother, but that's not always the right reason to stay together, usually it's just the fear of leaving something so familar, and starting all over after spending so much time working on something.

^^ so true. but you're gonna have to leave it up to your mom, in the end. because, from my experience, even if you try and scream until your blue in the face -- she's still gonna do what she wants and what she thinks is best. and as an adult, of course, she has that right.

[jboyce]

Thanks for the mature responses, you were all pretty much thinking what i was, let her make her own decision...i gave her my opinions since she asked, but i didnt want to support one way or another.

[h22sparkle]

I say leave it be to themselves dont even give them a hint of whats goin on just play dumb and say less and keep a straight face. Gettin involved in shit like that is best left unknown and left alone. Nothing good will ever come out of tellin some shit out in the open .