What would you do?

[toycar]

So a buddy wants me to be in his wedding, and, at first I agreed but now feel like canceling.


The jyst of it is that the guy hasn't spoken much to me or my family since he and his soon to be wife got together. When they got together, he would lie to his girlfriend at the time and say he was with me, so he could actually go be with the new girl.

Flash forward a few years, and eventually the new girl hates me because I am "that friend" that enables my buddy. Welp, he dropped off the planet for a couple years and re-appeared recently wanting me to be in his wedding. At first I thought, Cool, it'd be nice to reconnect with him and shit.


But then he flaked on me, and I realized that he only wanted me to be in the wedding because I would pay for a tux, which would = enough tux rentals to get his for free. I didn't even get an invitation for the wedding, and my wife/kids haven't really been included in the seating planning for the reception and I still haven't even seen this guy face to face.


As in, I wasn't even invited to the place the tux's came from for fittings and shit. Its outrageous if you ask me and all of this stems from the new chick hating my guts. I'll admit, I did some things to make things worse long ago when this first came up-but I blame that on my buddy.


We were on the phone and I was egging him on to go fishing with me, and he said his girlfriend wouldn't let him. I told him to just wake up before she did, and leave her a note like we always used to(like when he was dating the other chick and would lie to go see this one)


Well, after my buddy lets me carry on for 3-4 minutes basically talking shit-like men do to eachother about being pussy whipped and having no balls-SHE CHIMES IN and lets me know I've been on speaker phone this whole time.



Well, great. I actually haven't seen him since before this happened, and for sure, she hates me now and is very outspoken to anyone but me about it. And to top it all off, her and my wife do not get along.


So, I don't want to go to the wedding basically and Im not sure how to cancel or if I should just suck it up and go be uncomfortable. I think my buddy knows hes being a douche, and is basically dodging me-most likely because he knows I want to talk about all of this.


So, that, plus the way I feel, and the fact that my family is being left out of the seating arrangements and no formal invitation.... I dunno, I just want to cancel I think but I feel like a bitch for doing it becuase it is HIS wedding.


what do you guys think?

[deevergote]

Honestly, I'd say bail. It doesn't sound like he's been a very good friend to you since he met this girl.

Think of it this way... do you support this marriage? Do you believe in it enough to stand by a friend that has basically ignored you, as he gets married to a woman that seems to have changed him for the worst, and also happens to hate your guts?

From what you say, it really does sound like he's using you to get a free tux. You're not invited, you're not included, and he can't be bothered to hang out with you. You're CLEARLY so important to him that he wants you by his side in his wedding!

[toycar]

Honestly, I'd say bail. It doesn't sound like he's been a very good friend to you since he met this girl.

Think of it this way... do you support this marriage? Do you believe in it enough to stand by a friend that has basically ignored you, as he gets married to a woman that seems to have changed him for the worst, and also happens to hate your guts?

From what you say, it really does sound like he's using you to get a free tux. You're not invited, you're not included, and he can't be bothered to hang out with you. You're CLEARLY so important to him that he wants you by his side in his wedding!

Pretty much how I feel.


The tux rental place told me I was the 7th person, so the groom would get his for free. They probably wouldn't have told me this If I went with the grooms party-but I wasn't included for that.


Just like we never got an invitation, and I had to call and ask when/where the wedding was going to be and my wife and kids are basically not on the guest list but "its ok if they find a place to sit"


Fuck that.


And yeah, the girl openly hates me beyond the words intended use. Its ok, I get it I suppose. Chicks hate guys like me. Whatever. I think its petty, but, people are allowed to feel however they want.


Small world but my wife actually dated her cousin like 20 years ago, and obviously, things didn't work out for them(my wife and that guy) and so his girlfriend hates my wife because of that too.


How immature if you ask me. Fucking silly. When my best friend died, this guy was at the funeral but his old lady wouldn't even let him talk to me and that was the last time I saw either one of them.


You might remember the thread when I told all of you about my best friend drowning-its been about 18 months or so. I haven't heard a word from him since before then.




Truth be known, I was the guy that lied for my buddy to go cheat. I was. And I am, and always be-LOYAL to people I claim to be LOYAL to. So, I guess it comes with the territory for being that way. This girl basically equates me to the devil. I have enabled many of my friends over the years-and do so willingly without guilt. Shit, it has nothing to do with me if my buddy wants to cheat. Why should I care? Thats not a requirement to being someones friend-to act like your opinion matters on who they are dicking down.


Hes not sucking my dick. We aren't having sex. What elese is there to be said about it? I would never tell on any of my friends for anything, unles the girlfriend/wife was someone I was loyal to as well. So I guess this is part of my own destiny-but-I feel like I am being played like a pawn on a chess board and really don't want to go for it.

[Jking72]

Blow that prick off. If he's being controlled by her and can't find the time of day for you than eff that mofo.

Just my 2 cents

[deevergote]

Yeah man. I remember when you posted about your friend. That was a terrible time, for sure. Shitty that he couldn't tell his girl to butt out for just one day so he could be there to comfort you. That's what real friends would do.

[High5er]

Hey man,

Please bail on this guy. I had a friend like that for years. Always used me as a pawn. Always used me for his own benefit. He clearly cares more about a free tux and his controlling girlfriend than his goof friend. Its a damn shame but it has to happen. Or else you'll end up looking like a dog that gets kicked and continues to return.

I like to give poeple the right to speak their peace before I do anything drastic(what I did with my aforementioned friend). My advice to you is yes, bail. But only after you've at least put ALL the cards on the table and let him speak his mind. So you can say you tried to reason with him and gave him an opportunity to explain/fix things.

I know its going to be hard but I'd keep pushing to see him in person. honestly bro, trick him into thinking youre trying to do something that benefits him. so that he's more inclined to meet up with you(did that too). It seems like he knows you need to discuss something with him and hes trying to avoid it. So make it seem like nothing is wrong, and don't let him see it coming.

Hope this helps!
This was very close to home for me.

[oni_cb7]

I would go. Here's why:

This is supposed to be their "magical day" and they are using you to make it easier for them. That's messed up. I wouldn't let them get away with it. I would love to show up and piss them off. Get drunk at the reception and make them regret that they treated me the way they had/or invited me altogether. They left out your family and used you.

Not showing up will piss them off, but you won't get to see it. Wouldn't you rather see it on their face when they realize that they messed up?

Maybe its just me. I might just be cranky this morning. But I wouldn't let it go, especially after what you have put yourself through for him.

[deevergote]

Actually... here's the important question: is there an open bar?

If so, the price of a tux is pretty cheap for a free night of drinking, dinner, and dancing for you and your family! Surely there will be other people in attendance that you'd gladly socialize with. The bride and groom rarely have enough time to spend with any one group anyway.

You could go, give no gift (as you ARE paying for the price of a tux... and basically saving the groom $100+ by doing so) and just enjoy the festivities.
You don't have to like the guy throwing the party to drink his booze!

[toycar]

I decided not to go and canceled.


I was already leaning towards that, and basically stewed on it while on a plane yesterday/last night and came to the conclusion that;




A.) I don't really want to cause any problems at their wedding. I agree, its their "Magic day" and I'd hate to cause any problems. Especially knowing that everyone will be getting trashed-I tend to get a little mouthy if the situation is right and I have been drinking. So, I should just avoid that.


B.) I'd rather spend my Friday night and Saturday with my wife and kids. I travel too much as it is, and since I'll be in town-I'd rather hang out with them.

C.) Tux rental place kept $50 of the cost. I had already paid, so Im out $50 but I got $146.xx coming back. Always a plus.

D.) Nobody I talked to about it in person or on here said to go for any positive reasons. Actually, the most common thing pointed out was that there would most likely be an arguement or disagreement/negative conversation at some point if I spent enough time around my buddy/his new wife. I shouldn't allow that to happen on their wedding day. If I was able to avoid it and keep it to myself, that would haunt my fun. So, lose/lose either way.

E.) It felt good to get it off my chest, and I knew it would. I basically just told him the truth about how I felt. So what? He's got 5 days to figure it out and move on. Atleast I didn't lay it on him on his wedding day or during the practice run the night before.


F.) Doing this, will either make things better or worse. Now, I just have to wait it out and see what happens. I am willing to accept the outcome either way, so, I guess its a good thing that process has started.



Thanks for the insight guys. I appreciate it.

[High5er]

Deev makes a good point though. Open bar? lol Im glad you're getting it resolved.

[ontheroad92]

when a person attends a wedding, they are in support of the couple on that day. you know the whole 'speak now or forever hold your peace' bit? if you cannot be there in support of their marriage, not attending IS the right thing to do.

i think they have displayed TERRIBLE wedding etiquette. i would not attend either.