So I'm sitting here minding my own business while sending out an e-mail to a client when something caught my eye. It was large, dark, and had skitted under the door about 10 feet away from me and was running towards some boxes.
I thought it was a mouse at first (remember: this was out of the corner of my eye!) until I turned to look into the eyes of the gigantic beast: it had two very large compound eyes, a distinct head, a large thorax, eight hairy legs, and mocked my very existence with it's quivering butt-appendage which, upon seeing it, one can only assume contains the spit of Satan himself intermixed with the venom of Medusa's snakes. To describe this beast as big wouldn't do it justice so instead I'll just say it was easily as large as a Cadillac Brougham but that might be unjust to GM to compare such a harbinger of death to a GM product.
Anyway it knew that it's mocking of my manhood would sufficiently distract me long enough to throw all my higher senses into spasms so it just stopped when I turned my head and stared at me waiting for me to blink. After a good 3 day stare down I finally succumbed to his obviously superior evolutionary traits and blinked while fully suspecting he would lunge for my throat while my eyes were closed.
Instead he ran for some boxes in the corner.
Now I await as this hairy-legged devil watches me. From the corner. Where I can't see him. I know he's out to kill me because he knows this is a battle to the death. It's me or him. And I'm out gunned.
I keep turning my head to and fro awaiting this monstrosity's next move. Will he give me a quick death or a slow and agonizing one? With every imagined crawl up my leg I wince in anticipated pain. Every perceived movement in the upper reaches of my field of vision is met with paranoid glance. None, however, has proven to have been a glimpse of my new-found nemesis.
I'm scared.
I thought it was a mouse at first (remember: this was out of the corner of my eye!) until I turned to look into the eyes of the gigantic beast: it had two very large compound eyes, a distinct head, a large thorax, eight hairy legs, and mocked my very existence with it's quivering butt-appendage which, upon seeing it, one can only assume contains the spit of Satan himself intermixed with the venom of Medusa's snakes. To describe this beast as big wouldn't do it justice so instead I'll just say it was easily as large as a Cadillac Brougham but that might be unjust to GM to compare such a harbinger of death to a GM product.
Anyway it knew that it's mocking of my manhood would sufficiently distract me long enough to throw all my higher senses into spasms so it just stopped when I turned my head and stared at me waiting for me to blink. After a good 3 day stare down I finally succumbed to his obviously superior evolutionary traits and blinked while fully suspecting he would lunge for my throat while my eyes were closed.
Instead he ran for some boxes in the corner.
Now I await as this hairy-legged devil watches me. From the corner. Where I can't see him. I know he's out to kill me because he knows this is a battle to the death. It's me or him. And I'm out gunned.
I keep turning my head to and fro awaiting this monstrosity's next move. Will he give me a quick death or a slow and agonizing one? With every imagined crawl up my leg I wince in anticipated pain. Every perceived movement in the upper reaches of my field of vision is met with paranoid glance. None, however, has proven to have been a glimpse of my new-found nemesis.
I'm scared.
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