Frats

[zmanwit90accord]

First off, I don't want this to be a poll as I just want opinions on those who've been in them, turned them down, positive or negative experiences, etc.

I had no intention of joining any frat when I entered college. I only have the images movies and TV have shown me and I wasn't ready for it.

It's recently been rush week when all the frats try to get new pledges and have events and whatnot and I've been attracted to this one frat, Pi Kappa Alpha (or pikes). They are a chill bunch of people and pretty much have taken care of me for the past 2 weeks.

I've mostly been going to events for free food, parties and just a good time. I would feel like such a dick if I turned down their eventual bid on me. I've just been invited on an invite-only rafting trip that I definitely want to go (and probably will). I feel like they put in a lot of effort for potential pledges, only to get turned down. Is that wrong? Or do they expect that?

Part of me knows pledging will be a major distraction. I really have to maintain a 3.3 GPA in order to qualify for this scholarship that will pay off my tuition. The frat's response is that there is always someone willing to help with class and homework (being a smart school I go to, I don't doubt it).

I would also feel incredibly douchey if I did end up joining, but just didn't like it or couldn't handle it and had to quit. Would I get looked down at?

I want to keep these guys as friends, but I'm really not sure if I'm ready to commit to anything.

Please share any opinions and/or experiences you've had (detailed ones, not just "DO IT!" or "DON'T THEY'RE BAD FOR YOU")


***Cliffnotes***

Frats. Opinions/Experiences? Good/bad, worth it, does it depend on which one? Is using them wrong?

[agol]

im in lambda chi alpha and i fucking love it, best time of my life dude. what school do you go too? pike here is pretty crazy but i go to school in the south so its a lil different

[scanlessfool]

Eh. I won't bash them, but I'm just not the type of guy that is for them. I'm very much so the type of person to not follow the crowd and not follow trends, and it just seems that is what frats are. Whether I was in a specific frat or not, it does not mean that you can not still kick it with the guys of a specific one. If otherwise, then ask yourself, are those really people I want to be part of a "brotherhood" with?

[Losiracer2]

if your major is easy then go for it. You only go through college once, so its best to do all those experiences while you're young and don't have a wife, kids, mortgage or any of that other boring adult stuff.

But unlike what I described above, I'm going for an engineering degree and well, that takes some dedication. I did live in a Frat dorm for a year and it was really difficult to get any studying done, I had to go to the library most of the time.

[zmanwit90accord]

im in lambda chi alpha and i fucking love it, best time of my life dude. what school do you go too? pike here is pretty crazy but i go to school in the south so its a lil different

I go to RPI in upstate NY and they also seem like a crazy party-type frat... but only on weekends. They've said that they pride education over anything and have tons of help for those who need it. Back work, tutoring, etc. but I don't want to use them because I'll feel bad. I don't like using people no matter the reason.

Other people do use them though, for parties mainly, a free drink or two, is it alright to use a frat while they're in this "rush" stage?

Mind talking about the things you had to do while pledging? This particular frat said it takes about 1 semester to fully pledge.

Eh. I won't bash them, but I'm just not the type of guy that is for them. I'm very much so the type of person to not follow the crowd and not follow trends, and it just seems that is what frats are. Whether I was in a specific frat or not, it does not mean that you can not still kick it with the guys of a specific one. If otherwise, then ask yourself, are those really people I want to be part of a "brotherhood" with?

That's also what I feel sometimes. Are they hanging out with me because I've gotten to know a few of them, or is it to get me to pledge? Will they just disown me if I decide not to pledge?

I'm also not one to follow any fads and that's why this decision is a little hard for me.

if your major is easy then go for it. You only go through college once, so its best to do all those experiences while you're young and don't have a wife, kids, mortgage or any of that other boring adult stuff

But unlike what I described above, I'm going for an engineering degree and well, that takes some dedication. I did live in a Frat dorm for a year and it was really difficult to get any studying done, I had to go to the library most of the time.

Well I'm also a Mechanical Engineer. This frat house in particular has 3 stories so you can escape any distraction but you also don't have to live in the house (and I wasn't a fan of the house's condition anyways).

To reiterate what I said before though, they do offer a lot of help. They've already done 2 full CAD projects for me, teaching me better than the TAs in my class. I'm dropping the course, but they're already helping me with some difficult stuff. RPI is a pretty smart school if I'm not sounding to cocky, so the guys in the frats aren't idiots (when sober ). The one I'm closest to (friendwise) had a 3.6 GPA last year.

Thanks for the opinions guys.

[Losiracer2]

I go to RPI in upstate NY and they also seem like a crazy party-type frat... but only on weekends. They've said that they pride education over anything and have tons of help for those who need it. Back work, tutoring, etc. but I don't want to use them because I'll feel bad. I don't like using people no matter the reason.

Other people do use them though, for parties mainly, a free drink or two, is it alright to use a frat while they're in this "rush" stage?

Mind talking about the things you had to do while pledging? This particular frat said it takes about 1 semester to fully pledge.




That's also what I feel sometimes. Are they hanging out with me because I've gotten to know a few of them, or is it to get me to pledge? Will they just disown me if I decide not to pledge?

I'm also not one to follow any fads and that's why this decision is a little hard for me.



Well I'm also a Mechanical Engineer. This frat house in particular has 3 stories so you can escape any distraction but you also don't have to live in the house (and I wasn't a fan of the house's condition anyways).

To reiterate what I said before though, they do offer a lot of help. They've already done 2 full CAD projects for me, teaching me better than the TAs in my class. I'm dropping the course, but they're already helping me with some difficult stuff. RPI is a pretty smart school if I'm not sounding to cocky, so the guys in the frats aren't idiots (when sober ). The one I'm closest to (friendwise) had a 3.6 GPA last year.

Thanks for the opinions guys.

yeah i went to ASU, probably the biggest party school so that's why it was so difficult

[JoshM]

This is all based on my chapter of my fraternity. I don't know how yours will work.

I was part of a fraternity and given the chance to do it again, I'd do it the same. Forget about what you've seen in movies and TV... that's about 5% of what you'd be doing.

The fall semester, especially the first month or so, is nothing but partying. Free booz, free food, easy girls. It's fun, exhausting, sickening... but damn, it's great. But it's ONLY on the weekends. The brothers would look down on your if you were drinking during the week.

After rush is over and you've accepted your formal bid, things settle down and get more serious. You learn all about the history of the fraternity, get to know the brothers and pledges, and all that personal stuff. Twice a week (Mon and Wed) we had a "study hall" that was mandatory unless you had work or class etc. It was 6pm-8pm at the library. We didn't pass around old tests and papers, we actually helped each other learn the material. But, still, on weekends we partied like crazy.

"Hell week" is... interesting. There was no *** stuff going on like you see on TV and movies, it was more of a building and bonding experience. There were nights that were fun, there were nights that really were hell. After that week, you're an official brother. You learn more stuff about the frat and the brothers.

Spring and summer are very relaxed. Less drinking, more athletic stuff, philanthropy stuff, etc.

Fall it starts all over, except your on the brother side of things.

[JoshM]

Oh and your concerns about grades slipping may or may not be a reality. If our grades slipped (in all frats on campus) we were not allowed to partake in any fraternal activities until our grades improved. Believe it or not, my fraternity was more strict on GPA than my school... and that's how most frats and sororities were.

[zmanwit90accord]

This is all based on my chapter of my fraternity. I don't know how yours will work.

I was part of a fraternity and given the chance to do it again, I'd do it the same. Forget about what you've seen in movies and TV... that's about 5% of what you'd be doing.

The fall semester, especially the first month or so, is nothing but partying. Free booz, free food, easy girls. It's fun, exhausting, sickening... but damn, it's great. But it's ONLY on the weekends. The brothers would look down on your if you were drinking during the week.

After rush is over and you've accepted your formal bid, things settle down and get more serious. You learn all about the history of the fraternity, get to know the brothers and pledges, and all that personal stuff. Twice a week (Mon and Wed) we had a "study hall" that was mandatory unless you had work or class etc. It was 6pm-8pm at the library. We didn't pass around old tests and papers, we actually helped each other learn the material. But, still, on weekends we partied like crazy.

"Hell week" is... interesting. There was no *** stuff going on like you see on TV and movies, it was more of a building and bonding experience. There were nights that were fun, there were nights that really were hell. After that week, you're an official brother. You learn more stuff about the frat and the brothers.

Spring and summer are very relaxed. Less drinking, more athletic stuff, philanthropy stuff, etc.

Fall it starts all over, except your on the brother side of things.

Oh and your concerns about grades slipping may or may not be a reality. If our grades slipped (in all frats on campus) we were not allowed to partake in any fraternal activities until our grades improved. Believe it or not, my fraternity was more strict on GPA than my school... and that's how most frats and sororities were.

I'd be a little surprised if these particular brothers looked down on me for drinking during the week as I've seen quite a few past the level of drunk no matter what the day is lol.

I'm curious as to how you treated potential pledges. Once you were a brother, did you treat people nicer or better because they were interested in your frat, or was it because you got to know them during the process of rushing and became friends?

Did you expect kids to rush and give nothing back in return, or did you feel like it was a wasted effort? Did you ever see the same kids year after year rushing and never pledging?

You've cleared away the stuff I've seen in media and replaced it with a feeling of brotherhood, but I'm still uneasy about the commitment part.

[JoshM]

I'd be a little surprised if these particular brothers looked down on me for drinking during the week as I've seen quite a few past the level of drunk no matter what the day is lol.

I'm curious as to how you treated potential pledges. Once you were a brother, did you treat people nicer or better because they were interested in your frat, or was it because you got to know them during the process of rushing and became friends?

Did you expect kids to rush and give nothing back in return, or did you feel like it was a wasted effort? Did you ever see the same kids year after year rushing and never pledging?

You've cleared away the stuff I've seen in media and replaced it with a feeling of brotherhood, but I'm still uneasy about the commitment part.

There of course are the "party" guys in all frats. It's bound to happen. They are very book smart, so their grades don't slip, but they're just crazy at night. Probably has something to do with being too sheltered growing up.

Brothers can usually tell who's serious about pledging and who isn't within a week or two. I never treated anyone different if they were at our party if I didn't feel they weren't truly interested. It's a party, we're there to have fun. But don't show up Fri and Sat night for 3 straight weeks then dip. Word gets around and you won't be permitted to any frat party. It's not a bad thing to check out some other frats though, and going to their parties is usually the easiest way to gain entrance into their frat. Don't feel pressured into pledging. If you are unsure or you want to think about it, there's always Spring Rush and next fall.

Yes, we expect people to show up and never come back. There's free beer and food... what college guy would pass that opportunity up? But like I said, don't show up time and time again and then dip.

[zmanwit90accord]

There of course are the "party" guys in all frats. It's bound to happen. They are very book smart, so their grades don't slip, but they're just crazy at night. Probably has something to do with being too sheltered growing up.

Brothers can usually tell who's serious about pledging and who isn't within a week or two. I never treated anyone different if they were at our party if I didn't feel they weren't truly interested. It's a party, we're there to have fun. But don't show up Fri and Sat night for 3 straight weeks then dip. Word gets around and you won't be permitted to any frat party. It's not a bad thing to check out some other frats though, and going to their parties is usually the easiest way to gain entrance into their frat. Don't feel pressured into pledging. If you are unsure or you want to think about it, there's always Spring Rush and next fall.

Yes, we expect people to show up and never come back. There's free beer and food... what college guy would pass that opportunity up? But like I said, don't show up time and time again and then dip.

So you guys don't like that huh. I haven't gone to every event for them but I've gone to quite a few and this big trip on Sunday (invite only) is also going to be one of hell of a time.

It's a little hard not to give into pressure. Being a susceptible teenager has some faults. Had my first beer 2 weeks ago when me and my roommate went a frat apartment (same one as in this thread) and got drunk for the first time last week because I was with people who did it all the time. My roommate is also a little more serious about pledging than I am and probably will pledge with or without me.

Is there no middle ground? There's never any middle ground is there... The guys are the coolest frat guys I've met (going to a pretty nerdy school and all) and it would be great to hang out more with them, but I don't want to join something I don't necessarily believe in 100%. It's like with religion (although I won't get into that).

[JoshM]

We had two guys that hung around for almost 2 years prior to pledging. They were able to come to parties, but no exclusive parties that were out of town. They were genuinely interested, not just there for the beer. They were just unsure of joining because they thought it was some sort of cult that you couldn't see from the outside in.

There's nothing you will ever believe in 100%. You're always going to have some doubt or question in your mind about just about damn near everything. I didn't believe in everything my fraternity and frat brothers were doing all the time, but I just overlooked those aspects.

If you do decide to join, it's not like it's a damn gang or something. If you want out, you're free to leave. No one's going to give you hell and you'll always be free to come back as long as you're not a total ass about it.

A brother just couldn't handle his fraternal duties + schooling at the same time, so he took a break for 1.5 semesters. He still kept in touch and came around occasionally, he just wasn't nearly as active as he use to be. He came back mid-Spring, and was the chapter president that following Fall.

[zmanwit90accord]

We had two guys that hung around for almost 2 years prior to pledging. They were able to come to parties, but no exclusive parties that were out of town. They were genuinely interested, not just there for the beer. They were just unsure of joining because they thought it was some sort of cult that you couldn't see from the outside in.

There's nothing you will ever believe in 100%. You're always going to have some doubt or question in your mind about just about damn near everything. I didn't believe in everything my fraternity and frat brothers were doing all the time, but I just overlooked those aspects.

If you do decide to join, it's not like it's a damn gang or something. If you want out, you're free to leave. No one's going to give you hell and you'll always be free to come back as long as you're not a total ass about it.

A brother just couldn't handle his fraternal duties + schooling at the same time, so he took a break for 1.5 semesters. He still kept in touch and came around occasionally, he just wasn't nearly as active as he use to be. He came back mid-Spring, and was the chapter president that following Fall.

That was some good insight. Now last question Brother Josh, what do you think about changing? I asked my friend who is a junior at another college and he was immediately against me pledging. He's known me for quite some time, we're really similar and he's like an older brother to me. He told me he's seen people change as soon as they pledge.

I only spoke to him briefly so I'm not sure how they changed, I assume it's a sense of being better than other people because you belong to a group (another comparison to religion).

Did you notice a change in yourself when you pledged, or did you stay true to your ideals? Did you see other people you knew before who did a complete 180 after pledging?

[JoshM]

The only "change" I saw in myself, my friends, and other frat guys was maturity. I saw a bunch of immature high school guys grow into adults in just one year.

I didn't see nice guys turn to jerks. I didn't see smart guys flunk out. I didn't see the stuff people claim they see.

I'm sure it happens in some schools or some frats, but I was never witness to it.