So after almost a year, I find the life that I had before returning. I feel incredible right now. Most of you know Im still recovering from my past, and that takes alot of time. I havent had a single girlfriend or hookup in a year. I cut off everyone around me (and my x deleted all the girls phone numbers out of my phone) the ones I did know I was too afraid to talk to because I thought I had damaged the relationships I had left, and so I stopped talking to some of my best friends. Most of my guy friends I lost to drugs. I really only have one friend whos a guy who I can tell anything to. The type of things that have happened in my past are easier shared with a friend whos a girl. Anyways after coming back into reality, I realized I had no connections, nothing.
I was feeling low this past week, and I hate when Im feeling low, because I can tell their is a chemical change in my brain and there is nothing I can do about it, its plagued me for a long time through out my life, I just stop doing things for maybe a week, a month, or a couple days.
So anyways, I was feeling low, and nothing had been happening in my life, I wanted to change I wanted to feel good and go do things and talk to people, but when the dark cloud sets in, im stuck. I've always just waited it out.
Well, I couldn't handle waiting anymore. When I really feel low, I cant even remember what it feels like to experience happiness or anything llike that, those feelings cant even be remembered much less felt.
Lately, I've been doing all I can, I get up at 7 AM and go to the gym and then take care of some things, but by noon Im back to feeling low, and I end up playing call of duty all day.
Then Yesterday came, and I was digging through my dresser, when I found a hit of acid from like years ago, probably high school. Duh, I took it. But it was too old, and it didnt really work, I did feel a bit funny though. Thats when I decided to change the starter on my big ass turbo diesel truck, (which I havent worked on a car in like a year) I took the starter off the tranny and grabbed the new one and placed it on top of the drive axle. I couldn't see right, so I grabbed something to pull myself forward.
That something was the axle, and instead I turned it, and the starter went with it dropping like 3 or 4 feet onto my head, cracking it open. My head was throbbing.
Pain.
The feeling was overwhelming - real, true. The consequence of an action. Something I hadn't felt in almost a year. And six months ago the perfect excuse to go shoot up and fuck the pain away.
But this time I embraced the pain, and after bleeding alot, I cleaned it up, and managed to stop it from bleeding with some powder stuff.
But it was after that I realized things were different. I finished the starter, and washed my truck, wore my nice clothes, and I went out. Long story short, the hottest girl I have seen in the longest time up and gave me her phone number last night and it read "call me anytime."
I was feeling low this past week, and I hate when Im feeling low, because I can tell their is a chemical change in my brain and there is nothing I can do about it, its plagued me for a long time through out my life, I just stop doing things for maybe a week, a month, or a couple days.
So anyways, I was feeling low, and nothing had been happening in my life, I wanted to change I wanted to feel good and go do things and talk to people, but when the dark cloud sets in, im stuck. I've always just waited it out.
Well, I couldn't handle waiting anymore. When I really feel low, I cant even remember what it feels like to experience happiness or anything llike that, those feelings cant even be remembered much less felt.
Lately, I've been doing all I can, I get up at 7 AM and go to the gym and then take care of some things, but by noon Im back to feeling low, and I end up playing call of duty all day.
Then Yesterday came, and I was digging through my dresser, when I found a hit of acid from like years ago, probably high school. Duh, I took it. But it was too old, and it didnt really work, I did feel a bit funny though. Thats when I decided to change the starter on my big ass turbo diesel truck, (which I havent worked on a car in like a year) I took the starter off the tranny and grabbed the new one and placed it on top of the drive axle. I couldn't see right, so I grabbed something to pull myself forward.
That something was the axle, and instead I turned it, and the starter went with it dropping like 3 or 4 feet onto my head, cracking it open. My head was throbbing.
Pain.
The feeling was overwhelming - real, true. The consequence of an action. Something I hadn't felt in almost a year. And six months ago the perfect excuse to go shoot up and fuck the pain away.
But this time I embraced the pain, and after bleeding alot, I cleaned it up, and managed to stop it from bleeding with some powder stuff.
But it was after that I realized things were different. I finished the starter, and washed my truck, wore my nice clothes, and I went out. Long story short, the hottest girl I have seen in the longest time up and gave me her phone number last night and it read "call me anytime."
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