We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
>from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all
>numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
>
>1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
>down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
>you leaving it down.
>
>1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
>
>1. Saturday /Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
>the tides. Let it be.
>
>1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
>way.
>
>1. Crying is blackmail.
>
>1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Suttle hints do not
>work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
>
>1. We don't remember dates. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us
>frequently beforehand.
>
>1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any
>good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
>dress?
>
>1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
>
>1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
>we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
>1. Check your oil! Please
>
>1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
>all comments become null and void after 7 days.
>
>1 If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
>answer.
>
>1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
>makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
>
>1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
>Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
>
>1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
>commercials.
>
>
>1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
>
>1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
>for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.
>
>1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
>
>1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind reading
>ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
>
>1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
>nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
>hassle.
>
>1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
>don't want to hear.
>
>
>1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
>Really.
>
>1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
>discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster
>trucks.
>
>1. You have enough clothes
>..
>1. You have too many shoes.
>
>1. No NO you really do have too many shoes.
>
>1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.
>No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
>
>1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
>from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all
>numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
>
>1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
>down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
>you leaving it down.
>
>1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
>
>1. Saturday /Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
>the tides. Let it be.
>
>1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
>way.
>
>1. Crying is blackmail.
>
>1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Suttle hints do not
>work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
>
>1. We don't remember dates. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us
>frequently beforehand.
>
>1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any
>good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
>dress?
>
>1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
>
>1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
>we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
>1. Check your oil! Please
>
>1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
>all comments become null and void after 7 days.
>
>1 If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
>answer.
>
>1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
>makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
>
>1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
>Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
>
>1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
>commercials.
>
>
>1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
>
>1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
>for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.
>
>1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
>
>1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind reading
>ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
>
>1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
>nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
>hassle.
>
>1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
>don't want to hear.
>
>
>1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
>Really.
>
>1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
>discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster
>trucks.
>
>1. You have enough clothes
>..
>1. You have too many shoes.
>
>1. No NO you really do have too many shoes.
>
>1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.
>No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
>
>1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
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