It fucking sucks rancid walrus cock.
I developed anxiety issues with the onset of puberty, but just thought it was fairly normal for an adolescent to have those feelings. I'm intelligent, well read and knew that there were lots of changes going on in my body, both physically and chemically, so I never talked to anyone about it. I just tried to roll with it and assumed that they would pass after a while. Nothing major, just feelings of being judged, not wanting to be the outcast or loser, wanting to be accepted, but they did affect me a little. I'm slightly introverted until I'm comfortable, but I realize that, and usually make an effort to override the problem.
I started having panic attacks about 18 years ago, when my first wife was pregnant with my first son. Not constantly, just once in a while. Almost debilitating panic attacks. I though they were just anxiety attacks until a couple of years ago, when my brother told me that what I described was way worse sounding than his anxiety atacks. (my dad and brother booth have anxiety issues as well. Not as bad as mine, but obviously it's a genetic thing). When they hit me, my pulse accelerates, my mind accelerates, my stomach ties itself in knots, I just want to hide in a dark room and be left alone. I feel as if the enitre world is resting on my shoulders and something horrible is about to happen, but I don't know what it is or where it's coming from. I'm literally overwhelmed with panic.
Lately (the last year or so) it's been getting worse. Panic Disorder can make you think things you normally wouldn't (recently, I started beleiving that my wife was cheating on me, even though logically, I KNEW she wasn't. She couldn't have been, it was physically impossible due to time and other reasons, but the crazy part of my brain wouldn't shut up about it. That was a fun month or so). The attacks can come from nowhere and for no reason, they can be brought on by worrying about having one (let me tell you how bad they get if I have one and worry about it getting worse - I could almost cry then), or they can be brought on by stressful events.
For several months now, I've woken up in the middle of an anxiety attack if I'm lucky (which means I just feel like I have things to take care of in a time crunch, for instance) and in a full blown panic attack if Im not lucky (which means I wake up with the feeling that everything in my life is going to collapse and bury me if I don't do something, but I have no idea what the something is. Sometimes it's so bad I just need to throw up for about fifteen minutes or so, just so I can take a xanax and keep it down.)
It's really starting to affect my life (obviously), and my family's. I have trouble returning my friend's calls, going out and doing things, dealing with my children, even enjoying the coupe, because the things I need/want to do to it then add to the problem.
I've been trying to get some help for it, but with health insurance being so expensive, the wife and I aren't covered, but we have the kids covered through state assistance, and are trying to get ourselves added on to the program now that we look poor on paper (and in our bank accounts,
), since I work for my brother and get paid under the table.
I meditate, use breathing exercises and have been taking xanax (usually about .5 mg/day, but sometimes 1mg/day in two seperate dosages), but they're a little bit of a hassle to get without a prescription. My brother has a source that gets a script for 90 2mg bars a month (how fucked up do you have to be to get a script for that?), but she doesn't take them because they make her horribly sick to her stomach, so she sells them. It's a crap shoot as to whether or not she has any left when I run out, and I'm not really sure about the legalities of getting busted with them and no prescription.
Hopefully the wife and I can get some assistance from the state and I can see a doctor about the problem soon. I tried to get into some of the low cost/free medical things around Columbus, but they're all hard to get into (only a few hours a week, first come first served) and I feel bad about possibly keeping someone with a real medical problem (something dangerous or more important) from getting the help they need. I did go to a couple of places, but they just referred me to other clinics elsewhere in the city. I guess a normal seeming guy like me showing up and claiming hard to prove symptoms that require meds like Xanax probably looks like a junkie trying to score a fix.
I know that with our huge member base, I can't be the only one, so any suggestions?
Sorry this was so long. I appreciate any legitimate advice from my fellow tuners.
I developed anxiety issues with the onset of puberty, but just thought it was fairly normal for an adolescent to have those feelings. I'm intelligent, well read and knew that there were lots of changes going on in my body, both physically and chemically, so I never talked to anyone about it. I just tried to roll with it and assumed that they would pass after a while. Nothing major, just feelings of being judged, not wanting to be the outcast or loser, wanting to be accepted, but they did affect me a little. I'm slightly introverted until I'm comfortable, but I realize that, and usually make an effort to override the problem.
I started having panic attacks about 18 years ago, when my first wife was pregnant with my first son. Not constantly, just once in a while. Almost debilitating panic attacks. I though they were just anxiety attacks until a couple of years ago, when my brother told me that what I described was way worse sounding than his anxiety atacks. (my dad and brother booth have anxiety issues as well. Not as bad as mine, but obviously it's a genetic thing). When they hit me, my pulse accelerates, my mind accelerates, my stomach ties itself in knots, I just want to hide in a dark room and be left alone. I feel as if the enitre world is resting on my shoulders and something horrible is about to happen, but I don't know what it is or where it's coming from. I'm literally overwhelmed with panic.
Lately (the last year or so) it's been getting worse. Panic Disorder can make you think things you normally wouldn't (recently, I started beleiving that my wife was cheating on me, even though logically, I KNEW she wasn't. She couldn't have been, it was physically impossible due to time and other reasons, but the crazy part of my brain wouldn't shut up about it. That was a fun month or so). The attacks can come from nowhere and for no reason, they can be brought on by worrying about having one (let me tell you how bad they get if I have one and worry about it getting worse - I could almost cry then), or they can be brought on by stressful events.
For several months now, I've woken up in the middle of an anxiety attack if I'm lucky (which means I just feel like I have things to take care of in a time crunch, for instance) and in a full blown panic attack if Im not lucky (which means I wake up with the feeling that everything in my life is going to collapse and bury me if I don't do something, but I have no idea what the something is. Sometimes it's so bad I just need to throw up for about fifteen minutes or so, just so I can take a xanax and keep it down.)
It's really starting to affect my life (obviously), and my family's. I have trouble returning my friend's calls, going out and doing things, dealing with my children, even enjoying the coupe, because the things I need/want to do to it then add to the problem.
I've been trying to get some help for it, but with health insurance being so expensive, the wife and I aren't covered, but we have the kids covered through state assistance, and are trying to get ourselves added on to the program now that we look poor on paper (and in our bank accounts,
), since I work for my brother and get paid under the table. I meditate, use breathing exercises and have been taking xanax (usually about .5 mg/day, but sometimes 1mg/day in two seperate dosages), but they're a little bit of a hassle to get without a prescription. My brother has a source that gets a script for 90 2mg bars a month (how fucked up do you have to be to get a script for that?), but she doesn't take them because they make her horribly sick to her stomach, so she sells them. It's a crap shoot as to whether or not she has any left when I run out, and I'm not really sure about the legalities of getting busted with them and no prescription.
Hopefully the wife and I can get some assistance from the state and I can see a doctor about the problem soon. I tried to get into some of the low cost/free medical things around Columbus, but they're all hard to get into (only a few hours a week, first come first served) and I feel bad about possibly keeping someone with a real medical problem (something dangerous or more important) from getting the help they need. I did go to a couple of places, but they just referred me to other clinics elsewhere in the city. I guess a normal seeming guy like me showing up and claiming hard to prove symptoms that require meds like Xanax probably looks like a junkie trying to score a fix.
I know that with our huge member base, I can't be the only one, so any suggestions?
Sorry this was so long. I appreciate any legitimate advice from my fellow tuners.
**Don't b scared be prepared for the worst**
Apparently stress triggers the "fight or flight reaction" and it makes you momentarily nuts. Exercise helps and taking Kava Kava as a supplement has actually made me feel completely normal for weeks, but you aren't supposed to take it long term.
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