Attn: married members, asking for cash wedding gift etiquette

[DrLove'sKuDang]

My fiancé and I are getting married in September and we are sending out invitations this coming week. I've been reading around on how to ask for cash, if possible at all in a proper way. I came across a few things that I'm confused about, never having done this before.

First, I read around about general wedding gift etiquette, and it says that are you are not to mention where you are registered in the invitation. Now if I don't tell people where we are registered in the invitation, when am I supposed to tell them and how? And when are wedding gifts usually given? At the wedding reception or sometime later?

Normally I'm not so caught up in getting stuff, it's definitely not what the wedding is about, but after we get back from our honeymoon, her aunt wants to throw us a big reception with everyone we want to invite. It's her gift to us since our wedding will only consist of our closest 30ish family members. We're paying for everything ourselves, and we can't afford mich more than that.

During the large reception, we would like to "clean up" gift wise. Whether it be cash or some cool around the house shit for when we get our own place. But again, from what I read, it's improper to mention anything having to do with gifts or registries in the invite... So when do we do it? Is it ok to have a seperate piece of paper in the invitation envelope with our registry and RSVP info?

What did you guys all do?

[JoshM]

it says that are you are not to mention where you are registered in the invitation. Now if I don't tell people where we are registered in the invitation, when am I supposed to tell them and how?

That's the exact opposite of everything I've read. All the sources my fiance has looked up has it somewhere on the bottom of the invitation.

And when are wedding gifts usually given? At the wedding reception or sometime later?

Bridal shower or wedding reception.

[breeziebabyyy]

With the request of gifts, most people give cash. Some will give gifts you've requested on the registry. Most of those are like aunts and things that are close to you. To give the fyi on the registry to everyone I've seen people send out save the date notes that are usually included with the sale of your invitations. You send that out b4 ur actual invites go out. Also, people can get the wom when they rsvp for your wedding if that's something on the invites. People usually give their gifts at the reception. The bridal shower is usually for the bride, gift wise lol. I don't think u wanna wear a thong right?! jp

[deevergote]

If you don't tell people where you are registered, how are they supposed to know? That makes no sense at all. If you don't want to say it in the fancy invitations, put it in the save the date mailings, include a separate sheet in with the invitation, or send out another letter with that info to everyone.

As for cash... I believe many places will actually include cash on their registry. A lot of people will give you cash anyway (I got $5000... granted, I spent 3x that on the wedding!)


Honestly, this is YOUR wedding. As long as you and your lady are cool with something, who gives a rat's ass if it's proper etiquette?

[icedplaya123]

That's the exact opposite of everything I've read. All the sources my fiance has looked up has it somewhere on the bottom of the invitation.


Bridal shower or wedding reception.

Correct there are some gift's given at the Bridal shower which is mainly for the Bride to wear and the Groom to enjoy and the rest of gifts such as home goods are given at the Wedding Reception.

I'm not sure of the correct protocal, but i believe you let guests know where you are registered at on a seperate card in the same envelope as the wedding invitation.

But from personal experience i've also seen the registries being spread by word of mouth but to me thats not reliable lol

[93EXaesthetic]

dont do it reconsider read some lita---riture

[Gemini]

first oof, i didnt get shit for my wedding, not one gift or a penny, granted it was a pretty small wednesday.

Basically al the info given above is correct. Most places you register at for your wedding gift provide you a registry number and normally they can print out cards with you and your fiance's name along with the registry #. These little cards are to be put in the same invitation envelope prios to mailing.

I work d for babies r us and it works the same way.

I hope you suceed at married life, some people are not that fortunate :

[19dabeast85]

What part of the country do you live in and where do most of your invited guests live? Believe me, it makes a difference if you're trying not to hurt people's feelings. Here in the South you have to tread a little more carefully to make sure things are "traditional" BS. My wife and I didn't really do that, but most down here do.

The "save the date" is the best place to say where you are registered.

Remember that you don't want to send out invitations too early, 2 months from the wedding date is usually the earliest you want to mail them, 6-8 weeks is recommended. Otherwise, people tend to forget.

Down here, a "Bridal Shower" is stuff like kitchen & home stuff and can definitely be a couple's shower. We have "Lingerie Showers" which is for girls only and where the bride gets the goodies. There may also be a lawn&garden shower, etc. Depends on what your family members want to throw for you.

[King James]

My sister just got married 2 weeks ago......She cleaned up in the cash department.....she got 8900 pretty much in straight 20s lol.....granted she had 250 people at her wedding.....my other sister got married last year and she got like 10gs also

I dunno how they told people about where they were registered (i never saw it on any of the invitations)....people seemed to find out somehow though....it kinda sucked though cuz im guessing the places they registered didnt care enough to mark down what they got cuz they each got like 5 slow cookers and 3 coffee makers lol

[DrLove'sKuDang]

Thanks for the input everyone. Luckily we haven't mailed out invites yet. We're going to register at bed bath since they have all kinds of around the house shit. Guess I'll wait to mail until after I get the registry cards from them... Or make my own save the date cards. I sure as hell am not paying someone to make them.


As for the 2nd reception that everyone is invited to, I was going to give them a little story in the invite to make them feel included and not just an afterthought. Something having to do with mentioning our intimate ceremony, then off for a week in napa and now we're back and would love for you to come and help celebrate our marriage... Blah blah, some shit like that. Proper?again, I'm not sure if there is a "right" way to invite people to what is pretty much a fake reception, just to include those that weren't invited to the wedding.

[deevergote]

I'd say that would be proper. I spent a ton of cash I didn't have (still paying for it... it will remain, even though my marriage failed...) to throw a bash for 120 people... not even all that many! I spent my entire reception in brief, meaningless conversations with people that gave $50 gifts in exchange for their $100 per person dinner. It wasn't worth the money, and I really didn't enjoy myself at all. I'd have preferred a small gathering for the ceremony and reception, and then a big CHEAP party afterward with everyone else that I'd like to see, but don't care to spend a small fortune feeding! I'll get married again, and unless my bride's parents are loaded and want to foot the bill for a huge shindig, that's how it's going to happen!


BB&B is the BEST place to register. Unlike most places, they will give you no hassle whatsoever about returns, and they'll even give you cash (my ex and I, before we split, felt like a nice lunch... so we returned some stuff we didn't really want and got the cash ) They also take GREAT care of you in the store. The manager brought me a bottle of water as we were scanning stuff

If you want cash, scan a lot of expensive shit. If people don't want to get that, they'll give you cash. If they decide to get the expensive junk, you can return it for the cash if you don't want it!

[d112crzy]

Fuck etiquette. If you can't be striaght up with the people you're inviting to your wedding, they probably should be there anyways.

Etiquette is like political correctness, fuck it.

[sackingz123]

Just get married in Vegas. 100 bucks will settle it. Better investment.

[bigjoegood1]

My buddy just got married and sent a neat rhyme out. You may be able to edit to suit your tastes.

[2.2litrebeater]

I didnt say anything, most people that wanted to know just asked "where are you registered?" and the rest just brought cash