F*** My life... website,

[Makaveli2k]

http://www.fmylife.com/?page=8

Some of the funniest stuff I've ever read.


"Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML"

"Today, I tried to befriend the lonely boy who sits at the end of my table at lunch. He always sleeps or does homework during lunch. I walked over to him, tripped, and spilled my open bottle of water on his jeans. I then preceded to apologize profusely and wiped off his pants with napkins. He got hard. FML"

"Today, I got in a huge fight with my mom. So, I went to my room and locked myself in there and played loud music so I didn't have to hear her. She then decides to yell at me over facebook. Shortly after, I log out of Facebook. She then starts yelling at me on Yahoo. Damn technology. FML"

[bacal36]

http://www.fmylife.com/?page=8

Some of the funniest stuff I've ever read.


"Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML"

"Today, I tried to befriend the lonely boy who sits at the end of my table at lunch. He always sleeps or does homework during lunch. I walked over to him, tripped, and spilled my open bottle of water on his jeans. I then preceded to apologize profusely and wiped off his pants with napkins. He got hard. FML"

"Today, I got in a huge fight with my mom. So, I went to my room and locked myself in there and played loud music so I didn't have to hear her. She then decides to yell at me over facebook. Shortly after, I log out of Facebook. She then starts yelling at me on Yahoo. Damn technology. FML"

LOL! Thats exactly what I needed today, what a great laugh!

[visualpoet]

These are hilarious. I had to stop picking through them, Everyone is a winner, but these are some of my favorites.


Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML

Today, I woke up with the worse hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriends two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML

Today, we had some family over. A nasty need to wank seized me when I saw her : my 17 year old cousin. I went to my unoccupied parents’ bedroom. My sister's baby walkie talkie was on and the whole family heard me. FML

Today, I was writing to my girlfriend on msn when her roommate answered «Sorry, this is not Marie, she is at her boyfriend’s ». I've looked everywhere in my flat, I can’t find her. FML

Today, as I was bringing my 3 year old daughter back from daycare, she asked me where her dad was. I tried to explain that I was her father, but she answered "Not you, my other Daddy!". I've got some talking to do tonight... FML

Today, my 6 year old son says to me: 'You smell nice daddy'. Surprised, but very flattered I thank him, he adds 'I like the smell of cheese!'. FML


This one made me lol:

Today, I ate at a friend's house. Her 5-year-old son, who was at the table with us, looked at me and said quietly to me, "You're ugly!" When my friend came back, I told her what had happened; she told him off briefly and then the boy began to cry, shouting, "But she isn't pretty!" FML

[fatboy1185]

"Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much turkey at a family reunion. When I looked around the room over 20 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML"

lawls

[fatboy1185]

HAHAHA

"Today, I asked the girl I like if she wanted to go to the movies, she said yes and I said I'd let her pick the movie. She picked the movie, "Just Friends". FML"

[Makaveli2k]

This One Made Me Lol:

Today, I Ate At A Friend's House. Her 5-year-old Son, Who Was At The Table With Us, Looked At Me And Said Quietly To Me, "you're Ugly!" When My Friend Came Back, I Told Her What Had Happened; She Told Him Off Briefly And Then The Boy Began To Cry, Shouting, "but She Isn't Pretty!" Fml

Lmao!!

[JoshM]

SOB!
It's blocked at work!

[Shadow1]

"Today, at the urinal a guy came up next to me to do his business. He stared over at me, looked down, laughed and then left. FML"

"Today, in Ottawa there's been a bus strike for 51 days. I was waiting after work in a parking lot for my ride and was dancing a little to keep warm. Next thing I know the cops pull up to me and said that someone called in to report someone dancing in an empty parking lot. FML"

"Today, a girl I've had a huge crush on for a long time told another friend of ours to get a life. I, in my infinite genius responded that her mom needed to get a life. She ran out of the room bawling. I got slapped in the face and informed that her mom had died not long ago. FML"

"Today, my "touch me not" cat jumped next to me acting as if she wanted to be pet... No, she jumped next to me to share her nasty fart. I need a new kitty. FML"

[d112crzy]

Today, my best friend, was crying because her boyfriend is a retard. I brought my thumb up to wipe a tear off her face, and somehow stuck it up her nose. FML



LMAO

[JoshM]

"Today, a girl I've had a huge crush on for a long time told another friend of ours to get a life. I, in my infinite genius responded that her mom needed to get a life. She ran out of the room bawling. I got slapped in the face and informed that her mom had died not long ago. FML"

[d112crzy]

hahaha, this is awesome

"Today, I posted on a forum asking if I could be a Moderator, instead, I got banned. FML"

[Shadow1]

hahaha, this is awesome

"Today, I posted on a forum asking if I could be a Moderator, instead, I got banned. FML"

lmao!!!!! thats too freakin funny.

[Tnwagn]

Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKK!!!!!!!!

[Shadow1]

Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKK!!!!!!!!

YO!!!!!! wtf? lmao

[Shadow1]

"Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years. FML"

"Today, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes his shirt off and has a chestful of black hair. He had his name shaved into it. FML"

Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolls off of me without finishing, and says, "i'm bored." FML

"Today, while surfing facebook I noticed someone in my network had recently shifted his relationship status from undeclared to "single." We've been dating exclusively for nine months. FML"

"Today, I showed my boyfriend a picture of me in what I thought was a sexy skintight dress. He responded by saying "it's ok, I went through a pudgy stage too". The picture was from Saturday night. FML"

and the kicker:

"Today, I sent a guy that I like alot a pitcure of myself, I got all dressed up sexy and did my make-up. He sent me a reply saying "your cat is fat". FML