I got a call this morning from my boss at 10 asking if anything strange happened at work last night. I said no nothing funny happened and I asked why. He said that a controversial email had been sent out to all the facility users, including the executive offices which are full of a bunch of ultra-conservatives that take their job very seriously, last night at 2 minutes to close by the guy in the next cubicle over from me. I said no I had no idea since I had all my stuff shut down before that.
So, I called someone in my department and had her forward a copy of the email to me, since I'm off for the next two days. Here is the email in its entirety, except without full names or the company name:
All I can say is I wish this had come from another department instead of the one I'm in.
So, I called someone in my department and had her forward a copy of the email to me, since I'm off for the next two days. Here is the email in its entirety, except without full names or the company name:
All I can say is I wish this had come from another department instead of the one I'm in.
Subject
My name is Michael and I approve of
this message,
1 of 3
Since we have to vote for people in another department. Many of you may not
know who I am. Allow me to introduce myself........
Hello,
My name is Michael and I'm running for Employee of the Month. I was
speaking with my Campaign Manager (Christain Xxxxxx) and he suggested that
some of the building may not know who I am. While I find this hard to
believe, I mean, I guess it may be possible. Some people in this world have
never heard of Menudo the greatest rock band in the galaxy. So going with
that, there maybe somefolk who never heard of me. So in case your one of
the .003% of the population living on Mars, allow me to breakdown my
proposal. Now my opponent claims he can cut overhead and lower.............
blah, blah, blah. I'M TALKING ABOUT KEG STANDS, AND BAR-B-QUE! Last months
EOM says they can cut the deficit in............... snore, yawn, fart,
fart. I'M TALKING ABOUT NASCAR AND FOOTBALL AND BEER FUNNELS AND FUNNEL
CAKE, AND TONS OF OTHER STUFF THAT HAS TO DO WITH FUNNELS AND MAYBE DUCT
TAPE! Xxx Xxxxxx people don't want no stinking deficit cut. We want "Fuzzy
Bunny Slippers Day" and "Where's the beef bumper stickers". We want a
fireworks extravaganza when its time to go home, and clothing optional
Tuesdays. Instead of Coke machines we could have Margarita machines. How
come there are no TV's in the bathroom? And another thing, must we use
recycled sandpaper as TP? I need cloudy softness with a kiss of aloe. Not
paper that was forged by Lucifer himself and passed out as a "Welcome to
hell" gift basket. As my first act I plan to change the "hold" music to NWA
and 2 live crew. Also, as your Employee of the Month, I promise to crush
the time clock and replace it with a pizza-o-matic. Lets not forget about
the medicinal uses of voting for Michael. In fact, Voting for Michael has
been shown to decrease blood pressure and increase libido. Just ask this
proctologist. He'll tell you about the nutritional value of voting for
Michael. Also, Michael has 35 % less carbs, now with gluten. I also plan to
redesign a machine and enter it on Bot Wars! And lets not forget about my
plan to incorporate a slip n slide through the hallways. Imagine the next
time your on break and you grab an intertube and "Lazy River" your way to
the coffee machine where it is a fountain made of chocolate, spewing coffee
and chocolatey goodness like Niagara Falls. Welcome to my world. Now I'm
not making any promises, you could say I'm just babbling. So remember, vote
for me this election. Voting for me is a "Vote" for democracy. Let's show
the communist big wigs, that were sick and tired and were NOT GOING TO TAKE
THIS ANYMORE! Free Bobby Fisher! We want Sha-na-na! So remember: Let THEM
have their "tar-tar" sauce, you've got Michael Xxxxxxx.
Warning: Voting for Michael may cause dizziness, and/or constipation, loss
of appetite, and in some cases death. Do not vote for Michael if you are
already on medication, nursing or pregnant. Do not take more than one per
day. Consult your cardiologist before voting. Not intended for internal
use. Not a birth control.
My name is Michael and I approve of
this message,
1 of 3
Since we have to vote for people in another department. Many of you may not
know who I am. Allow me to introduce myself........
Hello,
My name is Michael and I'm running for Employee of the Month. I was
speaking with my Campaign Manager (Christain Xxxxxx) and he suggested that
some of the building may not know who I am. While I find this hard to
believe, I mean, I guess it may be possible. Some people in this world have
never heard of Menudo the greatest rock band in the galaxy. So going with
that, there maybe somefolk who never heard of me. So in case your one of
the .003% of the population living on Mars, allow me to breakdown my
proposal. Now my opponent claims he can cut overhead and lower.............
blah, blah, blah. I'M TALKING ABOUT KEG STANDS, AND BAR-B-QUE! Last months
EOM says they can cut the deficit in............... snore, yawn, fart,
fart. I'M TALKING ABOUT NASCAR AND FOOTBALL AND BEER FUNNELS AND FUNNEL
CAKE, AND TONS OF OTHER STUFF THAT HAS TO DO WITH FUNNELS AND MAYBE DUCT
TAPE! Xxx Xxxxxx people don't want no stinking deficit cut. We want "Fuzzy
Bunny Slippers Day" and "Where's the beef bumper stickers". We want a
fireworks extravaganza when its time to go home, and clothing optional
Tuesdays. Instead of Coke machines we could have Margarita machines. How
come there are no TV's in the bathroom? And another thing, must we use
recycled sandpaper as TP? I need cloudy softness with a kiss of aloe. Not
paper that was forged by Lucifer himself and passed out as a "Welcome to
hell" gift basket. As my first act I plan to change the "hold" music to NWA
and 2 live crew. Also, as your Employee of the Month, I promise to crush
the time clock and replace it with a pizza-o-matic. Lets not forget about
the medicinal uses of voting for Michael. In fact, Voting for Michael has
been shown to decrease blood pressure and increase libido. Just ask this
proctologist. He'll tell you about the nutritional value of voting for
Michael. Also, Michael has 35 % less carbs, now with gluten. I also plan to
redesign a machine and enter it on Bot Wars! And lets not forget about my
plan to incorporate a slip n slide through the hallways. Imagine the next
time your on break and you grab an intertube and "Lazy River" your way to
the coffee machine where it is a fountain made of chocolate, spewing coffee
and chocolatey goodness like Niagara Falls. Welcome to my world. Now I'm
not making any promises, you could say I'm just babbling. So remember, vote
for me this election. Voting for me is a "Vote" for democracy. Let's show
the communist big wigs, that were sick and tired and were NOT GOING TO TAKE
THIS ANYMORE! Free Bobby Fisher! We want Sha-na-na! So remember: Let THEM
have their "tar-tar" sauce, you've got Michael Xxxxxxx.
Warning: Voting for Michael may cause dizziness, and/or constipation, loss
of appetite, and in some cases death. Do not vote for Michael if you are
already on medication, nursing or pregnant. Do not take more than one per
day. Consult your cardiologist before voting. Not intended for internal
use. Not a birth control.
wow
Comment