Anyone in a field concerning child pyschology? need some insight.

[DrLove'sKuDang]

it concerns a 20mo. baby and shared custody. anyone that knows about this stuff, chime in and i'll continue.

[deevergote]

I minored in childhood studies, and I'm pursuing a career in marriage/family counseling... not a direct hit, but close.

[mozzandherb]

sounds more like a legal issue to me

[deevergote]

Without more info, it's hard to say. Who has custody, and how the custody issue is handled, has a significant impact on a child psychologically.

[Rusty]

well I've got my bachelors in Psychology and I'm in law school and work in the same office as a family lawyer....

Like deev not a direct hit but depending on the scenario i might be able to help

[TurboZach]

Health care, EMS and a tiny bit of psych. studies...not much help here but I'll be watching this one.

[Turbo Dave]

i took pyschology and purposely failed because there were always hot girls in it then i took it again and made out with this one chick from class after the last class of the semester.

so i know a pysch 1 class really well lol

[DrLove'sKuDang]

heres the issue. im not sure if the baby's attittude is normal for her age... coming up on the "Terrible 2's", or if its the current situation. and i understand, of course, anything said is purely opinion.


my gf has a 20mo. old with her ex. and we split custody 50/50. due to certain events that i would rather not talk about, we had full custody for the past 3months, until now, and the courts granted his partial custody back. given her age, is going back and forth harming her mental stability? very recently she has had attachment issues. we havent needed a sitter for a couple weeks, until today. the sitter told us that when she went out to the car for a second, emma(our daughter), started to cry. it just seems a little unnatural to be that attached to a stranger(compared to parents). or is the back and forth between homes causing abandonment issues?


and if both household care for her differently, will that cause problems. the ex isnt very easy to deal with. we can give him all the advice we want, he will still only do what he wants. for instance, bed time. we put her to bed around 7-7:30, and she wakes up about 12hrs later. over there we were once told that she doesnt goto bed until 9-10pm and if she slept past 9am the next morning, they woke her up. so when she comes to us after being there for a few days... come 7pm, she doesnt want to sleep.

as far as her diet is concerned. with us she eats healthy. water, milk, fruit, chicken and veggies... just about whatever we eat. over there they tend to spoil her a bit more. weekly she comes to us with a bottle full of "sugar water" juice. she knows colors when she sees them... so she will throw a fit when she sees water in a cup, as opposed to some bright pink drink.

the biggest issue, is just her overall attitude. it dies down after a day or so. but for most of the day we pick her us, she is very whiney and bratty. if she doesnt get the littlest thing her way, its kicking and screaming on the floor.


is this just part of life, or do both households need to get on the same page as far as overall care is concerned?

[deevergote]

Both households have an influence in how she is raised. As with adults, the lazy, "instant pleasure" traits are often the easiest and most desirable to someone without self-discipline (which a 2 year old can't be expected to have a great deal of!)

She learns the "right" way with you, and the easy way with him. Of course, pink sugar water tastes better than plain water. McDonalds french fries are tastier than veggies, and even a 2 year old will realize that.

It's VERY important that she is brougjht up with consistency. Having all of your hard work undermined by her father is a very bad thing. What you're trying to instill in her is very easily replaced by what he IS instilling in her.


Unfortunately, I don't think pink sugarwater, junk food, and a late bed time are grounds for custody revocation. It's not GOOD parenting, but it's not considered uinfit parenting by today's legal standards.

If there's no way to control or limit what he can do with her, then the best you can do is try to keep her on the right track. That means helping her relearn the proper behaviors until she has enough sense to understand why they're proper... and that may not be for quite some time yet.

Good luck to you. Feel free to ask advice or vent... I'll gladly offer whatever I can, as will others (and I know you have enough sense to ignore the more idiotic comments...)

[DrLove'sKuDang]

yea, thanks for everything. unfortunetely we cant control anything he does. we are staying consistent on our end, cause we know thats all we can do. she is always a little testy the day she comes, but by the next day, she is usually back to her precious sweet self.


i wish "bad" parenting was enough to do something. but as i recently learned, no matter whats happening to the child, the courts want to give the father another chance. and it went way beyond junk food and soda.


again, thanks for the help. if i have any questions ill be sure to ask.