Sister is ruining the family! Help!

[slammed4thgen]

She thinks she can do whatever she wants and not assume the consequences.

and why do you think that is? she hasnt been held accountable for anything so why would she be resposible.

[npor]

Regardless of what type of a relationship she has with you (sister in this case) shes still a human being, she can still understand the basics of things, and she knew what she was getting herself in to. If shes mentally stable enough to drive by her self, have a job, ect, ect, then she understands what a credit card is. She should take this all on her own, it's her fault anyway. I've delt with this kind of shit in the past, and learned a good lesson from it.

That's my view on things, I don't have much sympathy for stupid family members who fuck up and ask for help, then fuck up again and again. (a cousin tried that shit with me and my dad, my dad nearly shot him. needless to say, he doesn't come around anymore asking for money, or anything. i think he's in jail now...like he got his right arm shot off with a shotgun because he owed someone some drug money or something. anyway, yeah.)

[mugenaccordlx]

Scratch her.

[npor]

^x2

[floored]

I didnt read the entire thing but sounds like she just isnt responsible. whatever sucks fo rher

[lokuputha]

I feel for you man....it sounds like your sister reads too many glamor magazines...

my suggestion, a serious intervention...crying may be involved. Get your parents together, and sit down with your sister, look her in the eyes and speak to her genuinely. As her family, you should help her.

then, watch this: Frontline - Secret History of Credit Cards
Credit card companies live off ingnorent and innocent people and its about time your sister knew this.

I think your sister needs to wake up...unfortunately, it might take a drastic event like being jailed for unpaid debts.

good luck.

[Gyuri87]

I didnt read the entire thing but sounds like she just isnt responsible. whatever sucks fo rher

Doesn't make sense lol.

ecause unless they co-signed for her cards/loans, then they have 0 responsibility for her.

They can't co-sign anything. She's 19 and she's got her own credit without the consent of anyone else and if she was to have to one that requires another signature, she simply wouldn't take it and as it is now already, I wouldn't let her have an other one. I won't be too long before she's blacklisted if she not already is and then no final institute will give her cards or loans. She simply wouldn't be able to buy anything anymore. That's what I'm waiting for and hopefully it will be soon because my parents can't pay that phone bill. What also sucks is that now my parents could be black listed although we've always paid our bills and on time before for the past 15 years ever since we've moved here.

[9threeEX]

Sounds like sis needs to grow up -- exactly how mentally retarded we talkin here? If she's legally able to make her own decisions and does not have a power of attourney (your parents) like most mentally disabled people do, then its time for your parents to stop making excuses and bailing her out. This sounds more like careless sociopathic spoiled brat behavior rather than someone that doesn't understand consequences. (The fact she hid the bills says she understands the consequences.) -- I feel for you because you're sucked into a situation that could have been prevented, and can be fixed - but it really starts with your parents putting their foot down. If she's 18 and has no assets whatsoever, a debt management program might be a good idea, or even bankruptcy - because if your parents keep paying her bills she just keep doing it - A good jolt of reality might help.

Also note credit card companies are evil, these systems are set up to get you in to debt and keep you there as long as possible.

[slammed4thgen]

Sure they can, you can always have a co-signer, its not required. But since you put it out there that they didn't co-sign, then its all on her, make your parents stop paying for her fuckups, its that simple.

finally someone else with some tough love!

now scissor kick her and choke her out.

[TheNextAZN]

a group home or counselling would be a good idea, problem is that she's 18, and i think you guys would have to get her consent before getting her in.. or a psychiatrist or counsellor's who has evaluated her.. Both my aunt and my father are social workers. My aunt helps troubled teens, while my father manages troubled adults. From what I understand troubled teens place in a treatment center usually come home at the age of 18(hopefully better) able to realises their problems. So if there are any other or ongoing issues, they know they must be placed in group homes again, for the sake of the family and themselves. My dad tells me that many adults 19-25y.o. that are placed in group homes end up running away, even those who submit themselves, but most of the time end up coming back. With a better understanding of their needs. It's almost like a process.. They need to removed of all their needs, to understand what they really need.

I understand something like this must be hard on your parents, but things need to be done. Maybe not go straight for the group homes.. maybe get some family counselling, possibly in house.. for your sister, so she can see how much u guys care for her, and how much she's hurting u guys. You know there's a problem so you gotta start somewhere.

but i'd say start looking into county mental health departments in ..ur county

[Makaveli2k]

Nothing will cure faster than the facts of life. You CAN'T I repeat CAN'T allow her to feel as though she will be backed up at every screw up, you must show tough love.

you make her pay her debts by herself... maybe even kick her out. Although it may sound harsh but it seems to me you've gotten passed the point in which talking will do any good.

As much as it will hurt, it will do good. The real word doesn't wait for anybody and if you keep spoon feeding her, she'll never understand and it probably won't be banks she'll owe money too, but loan sharks who will go to extreme lengths if they are not compensated for what they are owed.


Be strong, and I hope everything works out for you and your family... especially your parents. They sound like they're too caring to give some tough love.

[kc8enb07]

Nothing will cure faster than the facts of life. You CAN'T I repeat CAN'T allow her to feel as though she will be backed up at every screw up, you must show tough love.

Makaveli is right. its the only way. or she will turn to mommy and daddy and say sry and ask "can u fix this?" my neighbors daughter is the same way. rich beyond rich but was taking whatever she wanted. stealing cameras from lockers at school and even shoes. when she could get 15 cameras w/ her monthly "allowance". they pretty much disowned her after that, kicked her out, took her BMW and she got the hint

[Losiracer2]

she's 18 now, so just have your parents kick her out. She needs to realize that she can't be taken care of forever and has to GROW UP. Sometimes harsh circumstances require strict punishment. She needs to learn the value of the dollar. And living on her own will teach her that HARD lesson. My parent's instilled values in me that taught me to not expend money on useless crap and that is why I have a good relationship w/ them. I'm not putting the blame on your parents or anything completely, but maybe they just weren't there for her when she needed them the most? that's why she turned out into such an irresponsible person? I am definitely feeling for your parents and what they have to live through, especially in times like these when people can barely afford to drive themselves to work and put food on the table.

[LinX]

what kinda shit is this? If this would have happened in my family, I woulda been tossed on the street for sure. If she's old enough to spend the money and be in relationships, she's old enough to work hard for it and be responsible for her own troubles. Basically what I'm trying to say is, MAN UP!

[9threeEX]

what kinda shit is this? If this would have happened in my family, I woulda been tossed on the street for sure. If she's old enough to spend the money and be in relationships, she's old enough to work hard for it and be responsible for her own troubles. Basically what I'm trying to say is, MAN UP!

EXACTLY